Perfect doll
by ImpishTopHat
Summary: Namie Yagiri never liked dolls her uncle brought her. But when he gives her a real live one who would be obey and listen only to her, she decides to take „it". Will Izaya stay Namie's doll forever, never to be free, always to have someone pulling his strings? Or will he find way to his freedom again?
1. Chapter 1

I know I should be working on the rest, but we had a little twist in plans and my brain wants this. So yay. Feel free to throw some ideas into the game, since I came up with this on the spot and have absolutely no idea were is it going. Oh and _this_ are the scientist if you were wondering.

**Disclaimer:** Nop, not owning, just enjoying.

The puffy cloud of air escaped through his lips. It was cold down here, it was always so cold. His crimson eyes darted around the metal cage, the cage that trapped his body, his soul. Shakes erupted through his body as unbelievable hunger started nesting in his stomach. Not for food, for love. His eyes twitched as once red became dark brown and then red again. Hunger, hunger devoured him. He lost them. He lost everybody that cared. His soul was empty, resonating with growls of the best. The best wanted to love. But there was no one to love. Where were they? Why were they hiding from him? He just wants to love. To love all of them.

Just like Saika loved him.

_"How is the subject doing?"_

_"The pain should come in about now."_

He choked on the air as beast hungrily clawed its way through his throat. It cared none for him; it wanted to love the others. The ones hiding in the back room. It craved to love them, so much. It wanted to love them, and it would not stop until it did so. Love destroyed him. He had no love to give to the beast and that destroyed him. Beast grabbed and grabbed and grabbed. Caring nothing for his destroyed soul. It rose from his stomach clawing its way out, falling again, and trying right after that. He pressed himself against the wall, trying to breathe, but the beast would not let him. He felt tears slip from his eyes and blood drip from his mouth. It hurt. It hurt so much to love. Especially when he had no one to love. His soul has been torn apart, for he was just a tool. A tool for monster to love with.

_"Will he survive?"_

_"He has to."_

Fire ate his skin away, climbing from inside, in hungry daze. He couldn't stand it. His mind was falling apart, not able to find logic in all of this. He was mortified, feeling the deaths chilling presence above him. He felt as it presses the scythe against his neck, whispering taunting words at him. He couldn't breath! Love ate away all his power to breath, there was nothing left, no air. He needed love, love was his air now. He is going to die without it.

_"Go on now, give him what he needs."_

The door opened. Small trace of light shined so bright in his desperate eyes. He closed them, as the pain threatened to kill him, letting the tears fall freely. He shook in fear, in desperation, in love.

"Shhh, everything is going to be okay."

He stiffened as the soft voice came. The beast in his stomach curiously turned his head, but he refused to open his eyes. To scared of the pain coming again. He shivered when warm finger went through his hair, comfortingly stroking him.

"Shhhh, it's okay."

He shook out of fear and out of happiness. Somebody cared. Somebody came for him, they loved him. Loved him so much that they touched him. He cried in joy of the moment, but fear of pain still lingered above him. He dared not to move, to lift his head and open his eyes, or whoever was above him might hit him, electrocute him, or worse…disappear. He did not want them gone. The beast's claws didn't hurt so much when they were here.

"Izaya, look at me."

He complied and shakily looked up. There was a girl sitting next to him. She smiled gently and pushed her fingers further into his hair. He broke. He lunged himself at her crying like he never did. Letting all the beast's love come and seep to her. The beast loved her so much, so Izaya decided to love her too. He needed to. He couldn't breathe without her love. He felt that.

And then the beast turned to love and love soaked itself in Izaya's five year old mind. The girl held him tight, smiling all the way through his blinding experience. All that love attacked his mind, rebuilt his soul for a new purpose, and finally devoured his heart. Made it work just for her. Just for the one that came.

He fainted. He fainted, overwhelmed by love. His head in her arms. She smiled as she trailed her finger across his tear-stained face, listening to the drum of his heart regain its steady beat. He breathed softly into her neck, addicted to her sent, the way she felt. The love she gave him.

"So Namie, do you like him?" the elder man entered the room, the same man who kidnapped the boy cleverly making it seem like he died.

"Yes uncle, this is the best doll you ever gave me." Seven year old Namie Yagiri clutched her fingers possessively around her new doll.


	2. Chapter 2

Gawh, I got such nice comments. I feel rather inspired for this one so the rest of my stories are going to suffer. But who cares. Now I'll just say one very important thing. . , SO, SO MUCH. Not because of any reason you may or may not think of, but because his age is soooooo hard to logically determine. You don't think so. You think hey, he is 16 like Mikado etc. right? Well I don't think so. You see if he is 16 and Namie is 25 that would make a 9 year difference between them. Right? Right. Well remember that doll scene? I honesty doubt that Namie was like 9 or 10 in that scene, I was thinking like seven, but if she was seven the Seiji would not be born yet! Am I just blind or something! Anywise for the propose of this fan fiction I altered his age, so he is now only five years younger than Namie, which would make him three years older then Izaya. And I don't care what anybody thinks about that because he I there only because it would be weird if Nemie's beloved brother wasn't there. Yeah I rant a lot. Btw, was I the only one surprised to find out that Izaya was two whole years younger than Namie? Yes? Never mind.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Durarara the age differences would make sense to me, now wouldn't they?!

It was a rather interesting thing to see. The boy adapted to her very quickly, instantly forgetting all the pain he was put through. He didn't care for that. All he cared for is being near her. It was a sick love. Not a real one, but rather a love implanted in him by her uncle. And by Saika. Her uncle never had the ancient sword in his possession. But he knew the doctor that had. That doctor extracted just a bit of Saika's essence for her uncle. Most of it was used for research. But a small part was implanted in the brain of her new doll. He loved her because he had to. He couldn't imagine not loving her. That love was like air to him. There was no life without it.

She was honestly surprised of how obedient he was. He never once questioned her orders, never once complained about the way he was treated and never once asked about his family. Just like a well-trained dog. His family thought he was dead by now. They probably wouldn't know who he was even if they did see him on the street. But that never happened. And he didn't care. She was his world.

She knew she could make him do anything. She knew he would kill and die for here. It was an exhilarating power. A power over someone's life. He wasn't like the other dolls. He was alive. That worked in his favor, for she did not get bored with him. She loved seeing those loyal eyes, watching her patiently, waiting for her to tell him what to do. She loved the fact that he did everything, absolutely everything to please her. And she loved that she could hurt him. When the other dolls broke or were discarded, there was no change in their expressions. They were not alive, they were always bearing does same porcelain smiles, no matter what she did. It was boring.

But he…

He broke, and he broke easily. She could make him cry; she could make him feel embarrassed or scared. She could do what ever she wanted, knowing that he would always be back. Back for more love, back for more humiliation. The funny thing was that she could get him to beg to her. To beg for her not to leave him. She told him that if he did not behave, she would leave him. She would throw him out on the streets to be killed or raped, whatever came first. She loved seeing tears in his eyes, the way his face would fill with pain, the way he clutched to her as if she was his lifeline. He would take it seriously. Very seriously, and he would try everything in his power to make her satisfied with him again. It was fun to watch relief come to his face after she would tell him that she won't chase him away. At least not that day, week, month.

He never once asked for anything, happy that he still had her. He never asked for the reason of his tortures, as long as she would let him be by her side, it did not matter to him. He was perfectly happy right there. By her side, always by her side. He would even sleep in her room, next to her bed. Her uncle settled a makeshift bed in the closet with cleaning supplies, but he almost never slept there. He made his own little nest of sheets and a little pillow, right beside her bed. He would nest in there and always let out such a serene sigh. Like there was no better place to sleep in. She would sometimes take her arm out of her bed and push it near him. Even if he was in deep sleep, he would always push his head right in it, looking like he was the happiest person alive. She would smile, because it was funny. She would smile and pet his hair, wondering how he could live like that. Surprised how strong of effect love had on him.

It was usually just three of them in her uncle's house. Seiji, Izaya and herself. Her uncle usually had a maid or two around, but they were dismissed soon after Izaya came. That was okay. Neither she nor Seiji liked them anywise. Her uncle said that it was risky having someone else in the house anywise, and now that Izaya was here, there would be no point in keeping the maids. He said that Izaya could do the work himself just fine. She doubted that a bit, but Izaya managed to handle the house chores quite well, especially if considering the age he was in then.

She sometimes wondered how he did it. She would fall asleep with her fingers tangled in his hair, and woke up alone in the room, her hand warmly tucked under the blanket. She did not know how early did he get up, or how would he manage to sneak out of the room without waking her up, every single time without a fail. All she knew that once she got downstairs, she would be greeted with an always cheerful "good morning", always smiling Izaya, and an always warm breakfast for her, her brother and their uncle. Sometimes her uncle would be there, drinking his coffee and talking to Izaya about who knows what, but most of the time his breakfast would already be eaten, his plate washed and their uncle gone to who knows where.

But Izaya would always be there. No matter how many things he had to do that day he would always make time to sit and listen to her. She did not love him, for he was just another toy. But she was still glad he was there.

Her brother was indifferent to Izaya. Only reaction they got out of him was a confused look when their uncle brought the unconscious boy into the house. And even that confused look was soon replaced by loving gaze as he returned to watch the floating head on the desk. Seiji couldn't care less if Izaya was there or not. As long as his meals were cooked, his clothes ironed and his room cleaned, Seiji would act as if Izaya wasn't there. But Seiji rarely ever paid attention to anything. He was in love with that head. Silly, childish love, but one as strong as Izaya's. One as strong as hers. She has grown to realize that each one of them had a rather unusual love. She loved Seiji, Seiji loved the head and Izaya loved her. None of those loves were natural, they were all uncanny, but they lived with them.

Sometimes she noticed that Izaya was way too much preoccupied with work to actually care for himself. She noticed that the first time when he toppled over and to the floor in the middle of his dinner making. Fortunately enough, their uncle was there at the time and assured them that Izaya just fainted from hunger. When he came too they asked him why he didn't eat all day. Strange look came over his face as he frowned trying to concentrate and finally saying that he had forgotten. She remembered how he looked up at her in uncertainty when her uncle frowned at him. She was frowning too. She couldn't understand this. Izaya never once forgot anything. Not a single thing. No matter how much chores did he have for the day he would always remember and do them all. Time, precision and quality, that's how her uncle joked about it. And now, to forget such a common thing as to eat… She was just stunned. Izaya however had other worries, as his always in the track mind, noticed that their dinner is burning and if he doesn't get to it now, they are all going to be hungry. Her uncle let him slip out of his hands since he had a few things to think about and since Seiji chose that moment to lift his head from staring at his beloved head and yell at Izaya that he is hungry.

That night it was quieter than usual around their table. Seiji was in his own world, picking around food that Izaya managed to save, and she and her uncle were thinking. She was young, but she saw the problem. Izaya had to be able to take care of his own basic needs. She didn't care for him personally, but she would hate to lose such a great toy to something as silly as him forgetting to eat. But she had confidence that her uncle would be able to fix him up. And he did.

_"Izaya." _her uncle called to the raven head that was eating his dinner in the corner.

_"Yes, sir_?" Izaya looked up, his eyes giving away just hints of the fear that Izaya held for her uncle.

She couldn't blame the boy for being afraid. Lot of bad memories were liked to her uncle, and even though Izaya's mind was suppressing them more and more with each passed month, the instinctive fear of the man still remained.

_"Come here. I need to talk to you."_

Izaya got up as quickly as he could, she was always surprised how he never broke anything during his hurried movements. He sat his plate on the counter and approached the man, his eyes escaping to the floor. Her uncle took his chin and lifted his head up again, making those crimson eyes meet his.

_"Now you are a smart boy, Izaya, am I right?"_

_"I…um…I …" _Izaya trailed awkwardly, not used to being complimented_._

_"You don't know, huh. Well I'll tell you that you are. A rather quick learner at that too. Good qualities my boy, good ones." _

_"I ummm…"_

_"What, you what?" her _uncle shook Izaya slightly, like if trying to shake some understandable answer out of him.

Izaya just dropped his gaze again, shaking his head slightly. His eyes were half closed, and he was obviously uncomfortable, not knowing what is going on, or what the man wanted.

_"Now a smart boy like you should know why we eat right?" _her uncle directed Izaya's gaze up again and watched the boy silently as he thought on how to answer the question_._

_"So we don't faint, like I did?" _he tried_._

_"Well I guess you can say it that way too. We eat because we need energy. Without energy we faint, like you did. I want you to remember that even though it's very important that you do all you chores, it is also important for you to have enough energy to do so. Do you understand this?"_

_"Yes, sir." _Izaya nodded, looking embarrassed for being so foolish and forgetting to eat.

_"Good, finish your dinner and then you chores. When your done wait for me in my office, I have some other things I want to talk to you about"_

_"Yes, sir."_

_"And you are sleeping in your room tonight. Understood?"_

Izaya's eyes shot up in panic and his mouth was already half-opened to express his displeasure, but one stern gaze of his uncle's eyes was enough to melt whatever was Izaya about to say in another obedient "yes sir". She saw the sad look he gave her. The look that begged her to prevent her uncle's command. She could. Technically looking, Izaya belonged to her.

But she didn't.

Her uncle only made Izaya sleep in that closet when he wanted to be sure that Izaya would remember the rule he learned. It was for his own good. If he connected the closet with forgetting to eat, he would never forget again. The lesson would be learned and memorized.

That's what her uncle said. However, as tomorrow came, that tactic showed another face showing itself in the form of a very sleep deprived Izaya who barely stood on his own feet. That was the first time she saw her uncle hit Izaya, first time she saw him yell at the boy. Izaya looked like a scolded dog, completely miserable look in his big, watery, tired eyes as he apologized over and over again. Her uncle grabbed fistful of Izaya's hair, lifting him up and slamming him into the wall. She never saw her uncle angry before, he was generally a calm person. But that day he was mad because of something, and Izaya accidentally chose that day to come down too tired to work properly. She knew her uncle wasn't mad at Izaya, not directly. He was just taking his rage on the boy. He left the house warning Izaya that, if the chores aren't finished up until the time he gets home, Izaya is going to get the beating of his life.

She never understood why she went to Izaya after that. Why she hugged the small boy. She never actually cared about his feelings, right? Maybe it was just instinct; she would do that for Seiji. But, no. She never did that for Izaya. Usually Izaya was happy, so there was no need to comfort him. There were a few occasions when she would be woken up by his nightmares, but usually, she would just tell him to shut his mouth or leave the room and that would be enough for the boy to calm down. Why was that time different? Maybe because she saw her uncle turn violent for the first time? Whatever it was, now she sat on the floor, Izaya's head buried deep into her arms, as she hummed his loud sobs down. She was not surprised when he fell asleep in her arms, and she was even less surprised when he woke up with a start two hours later and went to finish his chores on the base of his new-found adrenalin rush. Her uncle didn't comment his outburst at the dinner, Izaya said nothing too, except for the fact that he tried to avoid her uncle for as much he possibly could.

Needles to say that Izaya made sure that he remembered both to eat and sleep regularly, from that day onwards. Sure his eat and sleep schedules did mix and turn dependent on the amount of work he had to do that day, but at least he wouldn't forget it. He wouldn't forget the man's voice yelling at him, or the strong arm grasping his hair and lifting him up to slam him into the wall. No, he wouldn't forget. Izaya always remembered the lessons he's been thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Finally over with this chapter too. Nothing much to say except from the age count; Namie-15, Izaya-13, Seiji-10. I don't know why, but I really don't like Seiji.

**Disclaimer:** We all know it.

_Where is he?_

Namie eyed the school garden warily, looking for any sign of the raven headed boy. Izaya wasn't in his usual place on the bench. The fact that he wasn't there made her mad. He was never late before. He always was there to greet her after the school was over, to take her books for her and to cautiously listen to her talk about her day. He never once failed to show up. Not even when she had extra hours, or when school would finish early for some reason. She read somewhere that pets could somehow tell when their owner is coming home from work. Izaya could do that too; she once asked how he knew that her teacher was sick and that she didn't have last two hours.

_"I didn't. I just had a feeling."_

He was never once late, and the fact that he wasn't here now was really irritating, especially because the rain had started and now she had to dig through her bag to find an umbrella. Izaya would be able to find it in the matter of seconds. He always did. She finally opened the umbrella angrily gritting her teeth. He is going to get it when she comes home. Aside from the chores around the house, Izaya really had nothing better to do with himself, so there were no excuses for him not coming. Ever since Seiji said that he doesn't want Izaya to wait on him too in front of the school, because that apparently spread some rather funny rumors, Izaya had just her and the house to tend to.

She didn't know why she was so mad at the younger boy. It wasn't all that of a big deal, after all. Maybe he just got caught up in work, and didn't notice the time. Maybe he was on his way right now, running like crazy, hoping she is still there, and hoping he won't be late. All kind things could have happened. But she was still mad. She got used to him waiting for her. That giant goofy smile all over his face, as he waved too her, like she didn't see him already. She would then grab his arm and pull him away in a huff, trying to ignore giggling of her annoying classmates. Izaya would just smile and ask how school was, taking her bag. In his world everything was alright, everything was perfect as long as she was there.

That's pretty much the reason for Izaya to take her going to school so hard. She got him during the summer vacation and once school started again, he was rather miserable to find out that he won't be seeing her as much as he used too. He was so sad that he even asked her uncle can he go to school too, promising with all his heart that he will be on his best behavior. That was the very first time that Izaya asked anything for himself. And her uncle turned him down harshly. He said that Izaya is going to be homeschooled by him personally, so he can decide what to put in Izaya's head and what to keep out of it. Namie never once saw Izaya so sad; it wasn't like the time when her uncle hit him. This was almost like a depression. Usually cheery Izaya, turned quiet and indrawn. She told him that he won't be alone at home, that he will still have Seiji, but that was a weak comfort. For all Seiji cared Izaya might as well been a puff of air which does chores. To Seiji, Izaya was invisible, he didn't care about him. And Izaya saw Seiji in the same way that a puppy seeking attention saw someone completely uninterested. He tried hard to get Seiji to like him, but still…he understood that there is nothing he can actually do. So he coped with his situation, staying at home with Seiji while she was at school. The years went by, and Seiji started school too, leaving Izaya lonely and sad as ever. She couldn't believe the difference between his sad face when she would leave for school and the cheery one he had on when he would be there to pick her up.

But this time…

…he wasn't there. And she realized that even though she felt anger grow in side her, she also felt something else…worry…she didn't like not knowing where Seiji or Izaya were. She cared for Seiji the most, but over the years she got used to the raven head too. She got close to him. And she started to care for him. It was an odd feeling, for she knew he was nothing more than one of the toys her uncle brought her. But still…

The house was quite. There were no sings of Seiji or Izaya. Nothing…wait! She turned to the doors of the back garden from where her brothers angry yelling was coming from. Angry? Her brother was never angry; he rarely showed any emotions at all, except from the love for that head. She froze when she heard the next sound. Izaya's pleading and sobbing came from the garden just before she opened the door. Izaya was laying face first in the mud puddle, soaked and shaking, apologizing for something, Seiji sat on his upper back, pressing Izaya's shoulders down with his weight, gripping Izaya's muddy hair with his hand, slamming Izaya's face in the mud beneath him at random times, which made Izaya's speech rather inarticulate.

"Seiji…I…ory…I…didn'…en…to…I…need…go…Namie."

At the mention of his sister's name, the younger boy lifted Izaya's head up letting him speak.

"I'm so sorry Seiji, it was accident I swear, I didn't mean too, please let me go, Namie will be mad if I'm not there when she gets out of school, I don't want her to hate me, I…"

Izaya's one-breath sentence was cut short by Seiji and the mud puddle yet again. Namie stood there completely frozen in shock. The boys had there back's turned to her so she was still invisible to them. She could not believe the way her brother behaved. She couldn't believe that Seiji, who was three years younger, could even pin Izaya down like that. Seiji was never this violent; he was never violent at all. But now he was hurting Izaya…in more ways then one.

"Don't want her to hate you, huh?! She already hates you, you stupid bastard, and who would love you, you not even a real human, your just a toy. My sister got bored with you long time ago, and she said too me that next time you do something wrong, she is going to get rid of you. And now you didn't come to school for her, she'll be mad and throw you out. Serves you right you brainless runt."

Izaya stopped struggling and his shoulders were now quaking with suppressed sobs. She couldn't believe how cruel her brother was. She never once said that she got bored with Izaya. She didn't. How could her brother torture Izaya like this? Izaya had no way of fighting back; he couldn't fight her brother or any other member of her family. That's probably how Seiji managed to pin him down in the first place. Unable to fight, Izaya ran. All the way to the garden, where he got cornered by Seiji.

"Tha…can't…true…" she heard Izaya gurgle from his place in the mud.

"Are you saying I'm a liar!? Is that what you are saying mutt!?"

"No,no I…."

"You what!? Huh, what do you want to say mutt? You thought she actually cared about you, huh, is that it?"

"SEIJI STOP IT!"

Her brother turned around, surprised to see her there, and even more surprised at the fact that she yelled at him. Nobody, especially Namie, ever yelled on him. People yelled on Izaya, even if Seiji was the one who did something wrong. Izaya would always take the blame. That's how things worked. Why was his sister suddenly yelling at him?

"Hey, sis."

"What are you doing to him!?"

"Disciplining." He said proudly, that was the word their uncle used when he would punish Izaya; _Discipline_

"Get off of him!"

"What?"

"Get off of him NOW!"

His still in shock mind did as he said and he got up from the quivering mess that was Izaya. Izaya looked up; his shaken mind only half registering things. He was aware that Namie was here and that she was yelling. The fact that she wasn't yelling at him but at Seiji completely dodged his mind.

"Why were you doing that to him?!"

"He misbehaved; uncle said that if he misbehaved we can discipline him so he will learn to be obedient, and so I did."

"But why!?"

"I'm sorry, Namie, I'm so, so sorry."

Namie looked surprised in Izaya's direction. The boy was shaking like crazy, still on all his four and not attempting to get up. Tears ran freely across his mud stained face and his huge eyes just begged her to forgive him. Even though she had nothing to forgive. She couldn't deal with that. She couldn't deal with her angry brother and miserable Izaya at the same time.

"Izaya go wash up, I'll talk to Seiji and be with you in a minute."

For a split of second it looked like Izaya is going to say something else. But then he just sniffed and nodded, disappearing inside the house in a flash. She could finally give her full attention to her brother.

"What happened Seiji? What did he do to make you do that?"

Seiji's grim face meet hers.

"He touched her."

"…what?"

"He touched her, he touched my love! I strictly told him not to ever touch it and he goes and defies me like that. He deserved everything he got; he tried to stain my love!"

"Relax Seiji, what happened, I'm sure he didn't mean to."

"I don't care if he meant to do it or not! I don't want that stupid bastard touching her! I don't want him…"

"What happened exactly?"

"He went to clean uncle's office and I was there with her, but I ignored him. And then he looked at the clock and said he had to get you, and then he passed us and his shoulder brushed against her!"

"…that…is it?"

"He could have pushed her down! She could have been hurt because of him!"

"Seiji he did nothing wrong!"

"He touched her!"

"Not even Izaya can be 100% careful all the time, nothing happened to it, Seiji you are overreacting!"

Her little brother stood there in lose of words, anger blooming in his eyes. Then he just turned around and ran for the house, screaming something at her. She sighed. She didn't know what to do, so she decided to just go and find Izaya, hoping that her talk with him will pass better.

Izaya's bathroom was a small one, in the servant's part of the house. She found that in those few minutes she has talked to Seiji was enough for Izaya to wash the mud away and almost completely dress himself in clean clothes. She found him desperately trying to fit a way to small shirt over his head. It was a bit funny, seeing how his dark hair was out on the one end, while his head absolutely refused to come out through, leaving him stuck. Her silent laugh made him stop the struggle and a muffed _Namie?_ broke from under the shirt.

"You really are stuck good, huh?" she sighed, taking his hand and sitting him down on the edge of the shower to help him.

It took a little effort, but she got his head out. He shook it like a wet dog, and rubbed his cheek where the fabric roughly pushed passed his face. He was really getting too big for his old clothes. She is going to have to buy him new ones.

"Namie I'm so sorry."

She looked down at the sad crimson eyes that were directed at the floor. Izaya's shoulders were slacked down, his wet hair sticking around everywhere. He looked like his world was ending right then and there.

"I really, really wanted to come, I would, but I wasn't careful enough and I touched her. I'm so sorry, please don't throw me out, I'll do…"

She hugged the sad boy tight, making his word stream completely stop as the happy shock washed through him.

"Shut up you idiot, it's not your fault."

"N-Namie?"

"Can't you see that Seiji over reacted? He was way out of line and you are now here apologizing like you did who knows what. You really are an idiot."

"I'm sorry Namie."

"Yeah, I know you are. You always are."

She didn't know what came over her to act this way. She couldn't stand looking into those sad eyes anymore. She wondered how she could ever think about it as fun. How could she always think of him as a toy, how come she never saw a human being sitting right there inside those dog like eyes? How could she be so horrible to him? He was the only person who ever loved her unconditionally, he never asked for her to return that love. And she, she treated him worse than a dog. How sorry she was for doing that, now.

"Namie, do you really hate me?"

"Wha…?"

Does crimson orbs were full of pain and tears. That was the pain she could not understand, the pain that devoured him from inside out, clutched his heart and dragged him down. Down into the sea of despair, down to drown in his suffering.

"If you hate me, then…I guess there is no reason for me to be alive any more."

The words were stated bluntly, like it was a simple fact known to everybody. He would kill and die for her, because of her.

"If you want me gone, I'll just…"

"Shut up, already! I don't want to hear another word of that!"

"Namie?"

"I don't hate you, okay. And I'll never get rid of you, I promise. Just stop with that, just stop!"

"Namie, please don't cry. Please don't cry because of me. It hurts me too."

She didn't realize she was crying, until he told her that. And then she just hugged him tighter, refusing to let go, crying in his arms. He was shocked; he never saw her break down like this. Sure, their where the times when she was sad or angry, but never like this. He wrapped his arms around her instinctively, wanting to protect her from the pain, wanting nothing more than for her to be happy again.

"Don't cry Namie. Please don't cry. Everything will be okay. Please don't cry."

"You don't understand, you idiot, you never understand do you!"

"Understand what Nemie? What's wrong? I'll fix it, you'll see, just tell me what's wrong."

But she just waved her head and continued crying in his arms. He didn't understand. He didn't understand what made her so sad. Why did she start crying all of a sudden? Did he do something?

"Please Namie, tell me what's wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

Age count: Namie-18, Izaya-16, Seiji (the hated) - 13. Thank you everybody for your wonderful reviews. Keep them up, it's what inspires me. I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did when I was watching it in the cinema of my mind. I also hope no words got lost like the last time I did a note this long. That's annoying.

**Disclaimer:** No, no, no.

From that day on, things changed. Seiji, who usually barely noticed Izaya, was now leading a one sided war with the raven headed boy. Izaya did his best to stay out of Seiji's way, but Izaya's best wasn't good enough. Her uncle would just wave his hand and said that it is in the nature of the boys to fight, or he would scold Izaya for whatever Seiji accused Izaya of doing. Namie tried to protect Izaya from Seiji's rage, but she wasn't in the house all the time and there where times when the raven head would be left to fend for himself. Seiji made sure that during those times he made Izaya's life hell.

It started out small enough, just a few insults during their meals, a few snarky remarks. Seiji would insult Izaya and anything that had to do with Izaya. Cooking being his favorite target, Seiji went out of his way to show his displeasure for having to eat _"that garbage that the insect made."_ He went so far as to just get up from the table one night and dump a whole plate of pasta on Izaya's head. Seiji smiled in triumph when Izaya said nothing, just dropping his gaze down like a punished dog. Their uncle only slightly scolded Seiji for wasting a _"perfectly edible meal"_ and staining their floor in the process. Izaya was the one who had to clean the mess up after the dinner. It was like Namie's uncle was enjoying the torture as well.

And then…it escalated.

From few rough words Seiji moved on to tripping Izaya, laughing at him when he fell, laughing at that confused face that did not understand what did he do to deserve this. Punches and kicks proceeded next and Seiji turned openly violent to Izaya. More then one time Namie found Izaya locked out and shivering during the coldest storms. More then one time she hushed the sobbing boy to sleep. More then one time she tried to get her brother to stop abusing Izaya. Her brother would just role his eyes and proceed on. She tried everything. Every single thing she could think of. Just to get Seiji to stop. She even tried to talk to her uncle, but he dismissed it with a laugh.

Izaya didn't know what he did to make Seiji so mad. He desperately tried to fix the damage done, only to receive a shove in a closet or through the back door, if it was raining. And Izaya would stand through it. Just like a well-trained dog, he did not complain or hit back. He would just look up with those miserable red eyes that asked for explanation. _Why?_ Why did Seiji hate him so much? Feeling of hate was unfamiliar to Izaya. Izaya did not hate. Izaya loved. He loved Namie. He feared too, he feared Namie's uncle. He felt embarrassment and happiness, pride and sadness. But hate? No, Izaya was unfamiliar with hate.

It was bound to overflow over Namie's head someday. And that day happened on the day of her high school graduation.

It was the first time Namie's uncle has allowed Izaya to attend anything public and Izaya was hyped up all week about it. That's all he talked about, and Namie couldn't help but laugh about it a little. Izaya was as happy as if he was the one graduating, and not her. And then…as she looked up to find her family in the crowd of triumphant seniors, she found that Izaya was not with them. Her brother was there, looking bored like usual. And her uncle was there too, looking extremely pleased with her. But…Izaya, the one person who she actually wanted to see, and the one person that actually loved her…he was not there.

"Izaya stayed at home." Her uncle said "he had to take care of are celebratory lunch, you'll have to thank Seiji, he thought of it."

Her brother gave her a wicked smile of satisfaction, as he saw rage boil in her. She ran out of her school, not even thinking what or why is she doing this. She was just fed up with her brother's malice, his constant picking on Izaya and everything. Just everything. She felt tears sting her eyes even before she got to their house, and she flew in it in full sobs, catching Izaya by surprise. She saw him only a second before she ran into her room, shutting the door behind. She fell on her bed and cried, cried her heart out. She was just sick of it all. She couldn't handle the constant worrying and sadness in Izaya's eyes and she couldn't handle her brother's cruelness. Not anymore, no more.

A soft knock on the door stopped her train of thoughts.

"Namie? Are you alright?" Izaya's quiet voice drifted from the other side.

She just sobbed more, unable to answer for the time being, she sobbed and sobbed until she heard the door open and Izaya's quiet footsteps enter the room. He sat next to her, gently embracing her from the back, hushing her down like she did to him so many times.

"It's okay Namie. I'm here. It will be okay." His soft voice soothed her down as he stroked her hair and she turned around to hug him back, spilling more tears into his lap.

Izaya did not know what caused Namie's tears, but he didn't need to know for now. His current mission is to stop those tears from falling. He didn't like it when Namie cried. He wanted her happy all the time. But…she seemed very upset this time. Her fingers dug into his back so much that it was almost painful, her head was securely tucked under his chin as her warm tears ran down his neck.

_Namie is very sad_ he thought trying to calm her down. Namie was the light of his life, he lived only for her. If it wasn't for her, he would die of sadness years ago. He owed her, he owed her so much. She loved him and played with him, read him books and was generally nice to him. She even allowed him to use her old school books as an item to educate himself further. She showed him how to solve problems he did not understand. She was there for him, always there. Taking care of him when he would be sick and taking a stand for him against her uncle and Seiji when he could not. He loved her. And he wanted her to be happy, he couldn't stand those tears that flowed freely, mocking him, telling him that he failed. He was supposed to be a good boy and make Namie happy, make her smile. That was his mission in life, that was why he was born…made.

_"You will do anything she asks from you, got it? If she tells you to jump of the bridge you'll jump of that damn bridge and smile all the way down, got that?"_

Man's voice echoed through his head. He blinked, surprised, not remembering where did the voice come from or who did it belong to. Was it talking to him? Of course he would jump of the bridge for Namie, no questions asked. Why did that strange voice told him that now? Strange…it was strange.

He shook his head, focusing solely on crying Namie in his arms. He had to make her happy first, whatever was lurking inside his head can wait until later.

"What's wrong Namie, please tell me what is wrong."

"Why didn't you come, you big idiot?"

Her small hand weakly punched his arm. It didn't hurt, but he was already aching on the inside. Namie was sad, and it was entirely his fault.

"I'm sorry Namie. I had to stay here and cook lunch. I thought it would make you happy. A big celebratory lunch. I even made cake, I made you favorite Namie. Please don't be mad at me, I thought I was making you happy. I…"

"This is not about me, Izaya! This is about you! You wanted to go to that stupid graduation; you were excited about it for who knows how long. And then you stay home. Just because Seiji told you so. And you thought it would make me happy! Can't you just make yourself happy, just one time?!"

She was facing him now, hands firmly on the younger ones shoulders, shaking him desperately.

"I'm happy when you are happy Namie." He answered quietly.

He didn't understand why Namie was so upset. It wasn't such a big deal, after all. He was just looking for a way to make her happy. He noticed that Namie was sad about something in last few weeks. Actually she always looked kind of sad or angry every time when he and Seiji fought. Well to be completely honest when Seiji fought and he took it. He wanted her to be happy again, he wanted her to smile again. Namie loved sweets and cakes, so when Seiji suggested that he stays at home and adds some of Namie's favorite cakes to his lunch menu; he thought it was a great idea, completely missing the malice in Seiji's eyes. He was a little sad that he will miss up on opportunity this rare, but he was sure that smile on Namie's face would make up for all of that. And now…there was no smile to be seen.

"Can't you see that Seiji was just trying to make you sad again, that he tried to hurt you again? Can't you see it Izaya?"

"But…"

"But what, Izaya?"

"I made cake for you Namie…why are you not happy, it's your favorite."

"You're hopeless." She mumbled, digging her head in his chest yet again.

"Please don't cry again, Namie. I don't like it when you cry."

"Shut up. I'm not going to cry."

He smiled, hugging her closer, listening to her silent breathing against his chest. He knew that words she said maybe do sound the same as the words that her uncle or Seiji said, but at their core they weren't the same. They were brighter, warmer. Her words were filled with care and kindness. He loved every single one of her scolding words. They weren't loud and angry like her uncle's scolds, or hatful and cruel like Seiji's. She said those words because she loved him, and he knew that.

"I'll be fine you idiot. You should watch yourself more."

"Ladies first." he laughed in her hair, and she laughed too, glad to hear his happy voice again. She loved that happy voice, not that crying, begging one that her uncle and brother received.

"Tch, what will I do with you?!" she giggled.

"Well you know, love me, hug me, feeding me would be nice too." He laughed back, enjoying that rare moment of pure happiness.

"What! I feed you! Oh, how you make me sound cruel, Izaya. Well I guess you are a bit skinny thought." She poked at his chest in thought; "Well I guess there is only one way to fix that, how about that infamous cake."

He grinned in pure joy, jumping of the bed, back turned to the door; "Coming right up, Namie!" he cheered happily, moving to the door backwards.

Then, everything happened quickly. Walking backwards Izaya slipped on one of the Namie's books, which sent him lunging forwards on to the bed and the still sitting Namie, with a surprised yelp. Namie cried out in surprised as small raven head landed on her, pinning her down on to the bed. Her cheeks flushed red as Izaya's head stopped millimeters away from hers, their lips only a kiss away. His eyes were huge and surprised, not fully realizing the situation yet.

And then…

The door opened.

"IZAYA!"

Her uncle's yells of disbelief and rage shook the room and Izaya was grabbed by back of his shirt and lunged into the wall. A painful cry was given away from the boy, but he quieted down when he saw the eyes of the man who had hurt him. Those eyes were not just mad, they were furious, cold furious eyes that pierced right through his skin and consumed his heart. His mind automatically shut out all possibilities of this not being his fault, because those eyes told him that indeed, this was his fault. And he is going to get punished for it, and punished painfully. His body started shaking with fear at the sight of those eyes.

"Uncle, don't! He didn't do anything! It was an accident!" Namie screamed, stopping her uncle's hand from hitting the trembling boy.

"Let go, Namie. He needs to be punished."

"He slipped! It was an accident!"

"Then he needs to learn to be more careful."

"You just love this don't you?!" You just love punishing him, even if he did nothing wrong. It is sick. Let him go! Let him go already."

Her uncle, who was now holding Izaya up by his hair, ready to execute his punishment right then and there, growled slightly.

"Seiji, take the mutt to my study. I'll deal with him later." He showed Izaya to Seiji who was looking at the development from the safety of the hallway.

Izaya felt rough hands grab him and a silent but spiteful _you're dead_ being whispered into his ear. But he did not care for that. What he cared for were sounds of Namie's angry shouting that broke into crying. Those sounds followed him through the hallway and into the study, where Seiji locked him up.

He was afraid. Afraid like he never was before. He got punished before, but it was always different. Sometimes, Namie's uncle was kind enough to just slap him or hit him a few times, but other times when he did something very wrong, Namie's uncle would beat him until he lost conciseness. This time was different. He didn't do a little mistake or something mildly wrong, not even something very wrong. This time he did something seriously and very bad. He wasn't sure what exactly, for he only slipped, but the eyes of the man told him that he did something so wrong like he never did before. He was terrified. He didn't know what kind of punishment came for this kind of crime. He was afraid for Namie too. He never saw her uncle hit her or Seiji and he hoped it will stay that way. There was no reason for her to suffer because of his deeds.

Loud footsteps invaded his thoughts, sending him looking for a sanctuary anywhere in the room, only to curl up against the corner, shaking in fear. The man opened the door and locked it behind him. Two times. So Izaya would have absolutely no chances of escaping. Izaya knew all the windows were locked too and he knew that he was trapped, left at the mercy of the coffee eyed man.

The man strode of to his closet and grabbed a long, tick belt from the hook. Then he approached Izaya and knelt next to him, letting him see the full horror of what is going to happen to him. Izaya's eyes went wide with terror. The belt was usually used just to scare him, and was never actually used on the boy's tender skin. Only slaps, punches and kicks. Never the belt. Not until now. He started shaking more then ever, his eyes pleading Namie's uncle not to do this. Her uncle smile sadistically and whispered with a voice filled with poison;

"Shirt off, boy."


	5. Chapter 5

So I wrote this sooner then I planned, just skipping and ignoring _Monster exist_, but oh well, I like this one better anywise. So this chapter is different then the earlier ones, so I'm not sure will you like it, but I hope you do. I got such nice comments last time and I was like _omg I'm blushing_ when RetroSlashTrack called me a talented writer, thank you so much, you have no idea how much it means to me. Btw, does anybody else find Namie's uncle's name totally and utterly weird. I seriously had to look it up every single time I wrote it in the text, because I couldn't memories it.

**Disclaimer: **Why is fan fiction called** fan** fiction?

Seitarou Yagiri blew a cloud of smoke from his cigar, watching the young boy who tried to regain his breath. The boy was bleeding and shaking, those miserable eyes directed to the floor, not daring to look up, for not to anger the man. Truth to be told Seitarou didn't mean to go this far, he didn't intend to make the boy bleed. He was just so caught up in his rage that he had completely forgotten about the boy's well being. He didn't particularly care for the boy, he was just a present for Namie, a toy like no other to make up for all the dolls he brought and she hated. Still, that meant he shouldn't go and break Namie's toy. It was hers to decide what to do with. He sighed and kneeled next to the boy, who immediately recoiled, fear dancing in his eyes.

"No more! P-p-please, no m-m-more." The boy stuttered over his words, while trying to melt down into the wall.

This worried Seitarou. Izaya stuttered over his words when he was younger, but got over it quickly, around the same time when the memories of the research center started leaving his mind. If he stuttered now, that meant he was really scared. He wanted to discipline the boy, not scar him for life.

"It's okay Izaya. It's all over now." He said laying a hand on Izaya's bony shoulder.

"I'll be good, I will. I'll be good." Izaya promised silently, his voice shaking all the way.

"Yes, I know you will. You are a good boy."

"Good boy, good Izaya?" the child murmured, finally looking up.

"That's right. But even good boys sometimes cross a line. You crossed a line today Izaya. I had to punish you."

"I know." Izaya sighed, his gaze dropping again, "I didn't mean to be bad."

"I know you didn't, but I needed to be sure you never do anything like that on purpose. Do you understand this Izaya?"

The boy looked up, his eyes far and disconcerted. Then he smiled. He smiled a smile that wasn't there, no really. A smile of a drunk person. A smile of a lost person. A smile of a beaten boy, whose blood oozed down his bare chest. He wasn't focused, he wasn't there. Izaya wasn't there, but the doll that he was turned into was.

"I'll be good. No more bad Izaya. I'll watch, I will. I'll be good. Izaya will be a good boy. Make his masters proud. Make his masters smile. Make Namie smile…Namie…can I see Namie now? Please sir, Izaya be good, Izaya promise."

Seitarou frowned at Izaya's distorted speech. How far gone was Izaya? Has he really broken the boy? He always knew that Izaya is completely obedient and that he would listen to his commands no matter what, but something like this. He never saw the boy this…this…absentminded. It was worrying. Very worrying. If the boy couldn't focus right…

"He he, I'm red. Izaya is red…why is Izaya red?" he was interrupted by boys voice, it sounded like he was somewhere between bursting out in giggles and bursting out in tears.

Izaya stared at his bloody arm in distracted amusement, giggling slightly as he saw more blood pouring down his chest. Before Seitarou could say anything, Izaya experimentally poked at one of his wounds and his happy face was instantly replaced with the grimace of pain as he winced back, curling up in the corner. That one string of pain has reminded his mind of the fact that his whole body hurt, and a lot.

"The red hurts, sir. Please make the red stop hurting, sir. I'll be good." The boy whimpered softly.

"I can't do that Izaya…"

"I'll be very good."

"…I can't make the pain go away…"

"I'll be very, very good."

"…just by waving my hand or something…"

"I'll be extra good."

"…you'll have to wait for that. But you'll get better soon enough."

The boy calmed down after that, sitting in his corner and whimpering from time to time. Seitarou took that time to search for bandages he always kept in his office. When he finally found them he kneeled back in front of the boy and waved his hand experimentally in front of his eyes.

"Izaya, are you with me?"

The boy blinked a few times and Seitarou felt relief when his eyes finally started to focus.

"Yes, sir."

"Good, fix yourself up then. I have business to attend to." He said handing Izaya the bandages.

Once he received an obedient nod accompanied by a _yes, sir_, he moved back to his table to finish up his forms, leaving Izaya to his business.

"Sir?"

"What is it, Izaya?" he groaned, lifting his head up to meet the boy's eyes.

"Well it's just that…this blood is going to dry quickly, sir."

Seitarou raised his eyebrow, not seeing what boy was aiming at; "What do you mean Izaya?"

"Well, you see, sir…it is hard to get the dried blood out of the carpet, so I was just thinking I should do it now, before it dries. If that's alright, sir."

Seitarou blinked a few times in confusion. He just whipped that boy with a belt. That boy just had a slight brake down only a few minutes ago. That was his blood on the floor. And what was the boy worrying about? Will the stain stay or not. Seitarou was confused by that, he expected from Izaya to stay down on the floor whimpering and crying for at least a half an hour. But no. Izaya had better things to do. Izaya had to wipe his blood from his master's carpet. That was the most important thing on his mind right now. A carpet of the man he feared and should hate but doesn't, was more important to him that his own pain. Oh, how loyal he was. A loyal little lapdog.

Realizing that Izaya was still waiting for an answer he nodded his head.

"Yes, go do that Izaya. Wouldn't be nice to have a blood stain on the carpet, huh. Rather off-putting, don't you think?"

"Yes, sir." Izaya obediently confirmed, lifting himself up with the help of the wall.

Seitarou watched as the boy searched for cleaning supplies in one of the many closets. He didn't miss a wince he made while he was getting up, or the slight limp that appeared when he was walking. _You'll kill yourself this way, you silly boy_ he thought as he watched Izaya who silently cleaned the carpet and tried to keep his breathing in control at the same time, _you'll kill yourself and then what boy? Is it really worth it? Do you really think it's worth it? You're such a strange boy. _He thought before he went back to his documents.

He didn't pay attention to Izaya after that. Izaya finished his cleaning and obediently sat down in his corner, checking up first is he bleeding on it again. He knew that he is supposed to be good and quiet and not disturb Namie's uncle while he is working. Namie's uncle is going to let him leave the room when he feels like it. Waiting was just another part of the punishment, the most hurtful part for Izaya. Izaya never liked to be alone, and even though he wasn't completely alone right now, he felt like it. He couldn't talk to Namie's uncle because he was forbidden to disturb him, and he also had no idea what would he talk to him about. Namie's uncle wasn't same as Namie. With Namie he could talk about anything, but with her uncle he always felt uneasy, like he was a step from causing a disaster. He had to take his punishment to the end, and so he did. He stayed silent as the minutes slipped by, wondering is Namie sad right now, because she looked sad when he left and wondering was Namie's uncle to preoccupied with work to remember that he is supposed to let Izaya out, one when his punishment is over. Maybe his punishment was just still lasting. He knew he was really bad, although he didn't know in what way. But it seemed like Namie's uncle wasn't as mad at him as he was before, so maybe the punishment will end soon.

He wanted it to end soon, his whole body hurt and right now he just wanted to curl up in Namie's arms and sleep. But he knew that that's not going to happen. Even if Namie's uncle would let him go right now, he still had no time to sleep, he had chores to do, and then he had to see what he would make for dinner…oh no. Oh no, no, no. He had completely forgotten. Namie's celebratory lunch. It was one the table and Namie and Seiji could eat it freely, but still…he ruined it…he ruined her lunch with his bad behavior. She must've been so upset with him that she wasn't even in the mood to eat. Oh, what did he do?! He was such trouble; he didn't even know why Namie still kept him. If he wasn't here then she could have her lunch in peace, with both her uncle and her brother, smiling and laughing like he wanted her to do.

Then he realized it. He realized what he had done. He tore this family apart. Because of him Namie argued with her brother and her uncle, they were all happy until he came. It was all because of him, Namie was sad because of him. He brought her pain. He wanted to make her happy, but he ruined her life. He separated her from her family for his own selfish love. Who did he thought he was? He was just some stupid mutt, just like Seiji said, and he ruined her life. How could he? How dared he? Namie was so much better than he was. He didn't deserve all the love she gave him. Heck, he didn't deserve anything. He was a dog, a stupid, mindless, flea-bitten dog, she took pity one. And how did he repay her kindness? By ruining her life, that's how. He hated himself, he hated himself for doing that to her. He owed her his life, and he ruined hers. And to top it all he asked protection from her when Seiji or her uncle would beat him. They saw what he did, but he himself didn't. He deserved every single punch he got, every kick, every slap, every trip. He deserved to be locked out in the rain like a dog, for he was a dog, he deserved to be beaten with a belt, for he was bad, no not bad, he was terrible. He deserved everything he got and so much more.

Seitarou lifted his gaze from the papers at the sound of sobbing coming from the corner. He completely forgot that Izaya was there. The boy must be pretty lonely when he is crying like that, usually he would stay silent no matter how long did he have to sit still. But this time Izaya was crying disconsolately, gripping his legs near his chest and digging his head right in them. Seitarou sighed, glancing at the clock and deciding that it's about time to let Izaya go.

"Izaya you can go to Namie now, your punishment is over."

Instead of yelling out a hyperactive _thank you, sir_ and bouncing of like Seitarou expected, Izaya only cried out louder, shaking his head no and clawing at his knees more. Seitarou didn't know how to react to this. He had no idea what came over the boy to make him act this way. Further more Izaya never refused to listen something he told him to do. It did not feel right. Izaya was an obedient little puppet, was he not?

"I'll make Namie sad. I'm bad, I'm so bad. Namie is sad because of me. I ruined it, I ruined it all."

"What are you talking about boy?"

"I made her sad, I made her cry. I was so bad and I just now see it. I'm sorry, I am, I'm so, so sorry. I really am. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person, I should die. I should just die. Everybody would be happier if I died."

With that Izaya broke into an even harder fit of sobs, crying his heart out in front of the confused man. Seitarou stared at the crying boy not knowing what to do. Izaya never acted this way, and he has certainly never expressed a wish to die. He was a happy child, a happy child that lived for love. Seitarou couldn't understand where all this self-hate came from. He stood up and approached the boy carefully, kneeling down on his level.

"Now, now, Izaya. What's that all about?"

"I'm a terrible person. I should die." The boy repeated himself.

"Why is that Izaya? Why do you think you should die?"

"I ruined Namie's life. She was happy before and now she is sad all the time, because of me." The boy sobbed.

"It not your fault Izaya. The things just turned out this way."

"Namie hates me, doesn't she? She hates me but she hides it, so she wouldn't hurt my feelings."

"If she hated you, she wouldn't care about your feelings."

Izaya's tear filled eyes looked up in slight hope. That made sense, that could be true.

"Look Izaya, I don't like to admit this, but I went too far with you. I'm the one at the fault here, not you. If anything Namie hates me, and that's alright, I am to blame. I pressured you too much and I was wrong. You are a good kid Izaya. You always do what you're told and never once did you disobey me. If it's anybody's fault that things turned out like this it's mine. This was all my idea, I brought you here and made you live like this. And you still don't hate me. I'm surprised at that. But Namie does, and I don't blame her."

Izaya's eyes stopped leaking with tears by now as he listened to the man. Was Namie's uncle…apologizing to him?

"Sir…you shouldn't talk like that. Really I'm okay, don't blame yourself. I know it's my fault. And I could never hate you, sir. You raised me, gave me a home, you…"

"I took your life away and turned you into a slave, Izaya. Can't you understand this? And that's why you and Namie are going to move out."

Izaya's eyes went wide with panic as a violent shake passed through him.

"No, sir, please! If you want just kick me out, I'll go, I will! I won't complain, you'll never see me again, I promise! But please don't kick Namie out. This is her home. She deserves to be here, I don't. Don't punish her for something I did. Please sir, I don't want to ruin her life again."

"Izaya calm down already, I'm not kicking anybody out, Namie decided to leave on her own. And she is taking you with her."

The boy blinked confused; "But I was…"

"Listen to me Izaya, she doesn't hate you. She cares about you. And that's why she is leaving. So you can be safe. This environment is not good for you and that is mostly because of me. I don't control my temper very well, and everybody knows that if you stay here I'll lash out on you again. So you'll go with her, and you are going to be a good boy and listen to her, right."

Izaya's face lit up a bit as he happily nodded: "Yes, sir! Of course, sir! I'll do anything she asks from me. Anything."

"That's a good boy. Now go to Namie, alright. She is probably crying her eyes out. Tell her I'm sorry, okay. I'm a tired, old man, but that's not an excuse for acting the way I did."

"Yes, sir. Right away, sir." Izaya nodded scurrying up and on his feet and then through the door, still accompanied by that slight limp.

Seitarou shook his head in amusement thinking to himself; _that loyalty is going to be his downfall, that's for sure._

**Author's notes: **So it turns out that Namie's uncle isn't total bad guy after all. Sorry to disappoint you about that, but for some reason I like her uncle even though I only saw like a glimpse of him in the anima. Weird right. Not to worry, Seiji is still going to remain a total jerk, because I hate him. And congratulations to HinataxTsukimiya who guessed that they will be leaving the house (not that it wasn't obvious, but oh well.) So I'm having a hard time deciding what scene should I use for the next chapter, so I'll let you chose. I'm torn between:

Izaya coming to see Namie in her room.

Just skipping forward to the moving day.

So vote for which you would rather see. I think I'll probably go with number 1. because I'll do with 2. one way or the other, but if you don't want to be bothered with that, let me know.


	6. Chapter 6

Sooooo. I did not plan things to go this way….my imagination just got better of me. But don't worry, if my brain decides to stay on the trail, we should have some real fun soon enough. Muahahahahahhahahahahah cough, cough, cough, choke.

**Disclaimer:** nopsis

„Namie, may I come in?"

Izaya lightly knocked on the door waiting for an answer. There was none, so he cracked the door open and looked inside.

"Namie?"

Namie was lying on her bed, asleep, tears dried on her cheeks. Her black hair was spreading around her like an aura in the whiteness of the sheets. Her face was sad, filled with tears and pain. A sad face on a fallen angel. He loved her. He loved her with all his heart. He always loved her, ever since he first saw her. But that was childish love. Love built out of need to feel love. This was different. It felt different. And he realized it right then, while he was standing at her door, watching her sleep. He realized that he truly loved her. That he without a doubt loved that angel that somehow found her way to earth.

But.

He also realized she could never love him, not like he loved her. Yes, she cared for him. But that was sympathetic love, pity love. That was the love somebody would have towards their dog or cat. She could never feel the real thing towards him. He was just a pet. Just a very loyal pet. He could barely imagine being labeled as her friend, let alone something more. Namie did treat him like a friend, but Seiji and her uncle always made sure that he would remember where his place really was. It didn't matter that Namie thought of him as a real human being, he was still just a pet.

Just a pet…

He felt hurt. He felt hurt for the first time, realizing that he is in the same category as dogs. It never hurt before. Before he had his blinding and irrational love to protect him from seeing. But something happened today. Something happened and it purified his love. Making it real. Not man-made. Real. But, it also made him painfully aware of his situation. He was a pet, a slave, a lapdog. Something that could easily be disposed of if needed. They could do what ever they wanted to him. There was nothing there to stop them. They could hurt him, torture him, or even kill him. He had no say in his own life.

That thought scared him. What scared him even more was the fact that he was never aware of this before. He felt tears come to his eyes, but he wiped them back. He didn't want to cry again. He cried a lot, he did indeed, and he wanted to at least one time in his life beat the tears back. He wanted to have control for once. At least control over his tears. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he get control for at least one bit of his life? Fine he was a slave, and he will be a slave for the rest of his life, but couldn't he at least have one little thing he could control? Just one little thing that would prevent this sickening feeling in his stomach.

Apparently not.

For his tears broke out and he found himself on the floor once again, sobbing quietly to himself. Quietly so he wouldn't wake Namie. Namie his love, his life, his sun…his master. He couldn't put those two pieces of the puzzle together. Why would Namie who was always so nice to him, do something like this. Why would she trap him? Why would she enslave him? Turn him into an obedient little dog, a puppet, a marionette. Why? And why did he still love her, even after all of this.

_"You know, Izaya, my uncle used to bring me all kinds of dolls."_

A quiet entrancing voice of a seven-year old girl dashed through his memories.

_"They were pretty, but I never really liked them. They were just boring." Little girl said playing with smaller boy's hair. _

_The boy's eyes were glazed with pleasure at the feeling of the girl's fingers in his hair. A small raven headed boy with glazed eyes, listening to his…master._

_"But you're not boring, Izaya. You are different the all those other dolls. And I like that. I like you Izaya."_

_"I love you Namie." The boy whispered, true to his every word._

Love is such a strong word for a five-year old boy.

_The girl smiled, hugging the boy closer, the boy sighed happily nesting in her arms._

_"I know you do Izaya. You are a good boy, you are mine good boy. Isn't that right?"_

_"That's right." The boy whispered, "I'm your good boy, your forever."_

_"Izaya, would you do anything for me?"_

_The boy lifted his head up, his red eyes filled with love, love bigger then anything._

_"Whatever you wish for Namie."_

_The girl smiled._

_"Good boy, Izaya."_

Izaya gasped as the memory overwhelmed his mind. Was…was Namie just using him this whole time. No that can't be true. Namie loved him, not like he loved her, but still. She loved him, and protected him, and hugged him, and comforted him. Why would she be playing with his emotions like this? But why did she treat him that way when he was little? He didn't remember a lot about his early childhood, but he knew that Namie didn't treat him like that, like…like a puppet in a very long time. She treated him like a friend now. Well at least he thought that was how friends were treated. But what did he know? Nothing. He knew nothing. Namie's uncle made sure that Izaya stayed oblivious to his situation. And even if Namie did treat him like a friend now, what changed? What made her change her opinions on him? What made her start treating him more like a person and less like a toy?

There where so many questions and no answers at all. He cried out of fear and out of confusion. He cried there, curled up on the floor, because that's where he belonged. Seiji told him that. He told him that disgusting, little, bastards like him, belonged on the floor, where the dogs slept.

_"You are a loyal little dog, aren't you Izaya? You would do anything for my sister. Die for her too, if necessary. Am I right? Of course I am. You disgust me. You are a filthy stupid dog that can't think for himself. And you dare to think that my sister would actually care for you?! You are so pathetic; you are just her pet and nothing more. You claim to love her, but you don't even know what love truly is. And you'll never know, that's how pathetic you are."_

But Seiji was wrong, right? Namie did care for him, and Izaya did know how love really felt. Love hurt. Love really hurt. It was beautiful and painful at the same time. Love was the reason he was who he was. It was love that enslaved him. And…he was always fine with that. He never needed freedom as long as he had Namie's love. He loved Namie, right? Yes, yes he did, he loved her with all his heart. He loved her more than anything else in the world. And if he needs to be a slave to love her, then so be it.

He'll be a good slave, an obedient little pet.

Good boy, good Izaya.

"Izaya, are you okay?"

His head shot up to meet Namie's worried and sad eyes. Her hair was a bit messy from sleep and her eyes were red with tears. But to him she was still beautiful. To him, she was still an angel. That angel hugged him tightly, laying her head on his shoulder as tears streamed down.

"Izaya are you okay? What did he do to you? I'm sorry Izaya."

And there it was again. Another one of his masters apologized to him. He didn't like that. He wasn't used too that. He was the one who did the apologizing. He was the one who would cry in pain and take the punishments. He was the one they could lash out on when they felt angry or sad, or when the world seemed unfair to them. They shouldn't apologize to him. Even if the one small part of his mind appreciated the apology, most of him, that submissive part, that part that was taught to be a pet, just screamed for it to stop.

"Don't apologize to me Namie. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth you apologies, I'm not worth your tears."

"Izaya, stop that." She pushed away from him and looked him sternly in the eyes.

"But I…."

"No, no Izaya. I don't want to hear another word of it. I don't want to listen to you bad-talk yourself. You are worth it Izaya. I want you to remember that, you are worth it."

He closed his eyes in relief. Namie wasn't using him. At least it didn't seem that way. She really cared for him. She wanted him to accept himself the way he was, she wanted him to think good about himself.

"I know I treated you badly Izaya. And I'm sorry. I really am. And don't you tell me to stop apologizing or something like that. Ever since you came here, you've done nothing but apologized. Even for the things you didn't do. I'm sorry Izaya. But things will change. We are going to move out. Soon, very soon."

"I know, your uncle told me."

"Oh, did he now." She chuckled, before smile disappeared from her face. "I'm going to let you go Izaya."

His eyes shot up with panic as he started trembling. Claws of the fear, all too familiar, clutched his heart.

"Please Namie, don't leave me! What did I do?! What did I do, Namie? I promise I'll fix it, I promise. I'll be better, I behave, I swear, just please don't leave me! I'll be good! I'll be good, I'll do anything you ask, anything! Just please don't leave me!"

She looked at the panicked boy with tears in his eyes. She looked at him in disbelief. Did he not understand?

"I don't think you understand, Izaya. I'm not going to throw you out or anything. I'm setting you free. You don't need to be a slave anymore, okay. I'll give you enough money and support you through school, but you will be the one making decisions. You'll finally be free, Izaya. Don't you want that?"

He looked at her tear eyed. Did he want to be free? Sure it sounded rather nice, but still… he wasn't used to freedom. He didn't know how to be free. And the most important thing of all…

"I don't want to be away from you, Namie." He whispered letting his head fall on her shoulder, tears slowly running across his cheeks; "Please Namie, don't chase me away."

She was silent. Not saying a single word. It scared him. It scared him a lot. And then, she hugged him. She hugged him, sighing silently, passing her hand through his hair.

"Do you really want to stay with me Izaya? Are you sure?"

"I love you Namie. I love you, and I will always love you."

_I know_, she wanted to say. But the she noticed it. The tone that the confession was delivered in. Izaya told her that he loved her a thousand times. But never like this. The influence of Saika's addictive love was always hearable in his love hazed sentences. But this one was different. There was no Saika in his voice, it was Izaya. Just and only Izaya. And she didn't know how to respond to that.

"So you are sure?"

"Absolutely sure."

"I will not treat you like before Izaya. You are a real person, and you need to start seeing yourself like that. Are you okay with that?"

"I would do anything for you Namie. I would go to the end of the Earth for you. And I will be a normal person for you."

She sighed, hugging the younger boy. It wasn't perfect, but it was a start. She will show him how to be free. She will open the cage that held him captive for so long. She will let him spread his wings…and she will teach him how to fly.

_If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was._

**Author's notes:** Well now we know that I suck and writing romance…yey. Review please. It inspires me to write better then this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: This little piggy does not own Durarara**

„But Namie, what if I have a nightmare?" Izaya whined, looking at her with those sad, begging, red eyes.

"Izaya, your sixteen. You're too old to have nightmares." She sighed.

"Am not." He pouted, clutching the pillow closer to his chest.

They moved into their new home just this morning, and everything was going fine, until Izaya realized that he had his own room now. He now sat skulking on the blue covered bed, clutching one of the pillows close to his chest. His gaze was traveling from her to the floor and then to her again, as if he was not sure where to look.

"Look if you have a nightmare then you can come to my room, okay?" she offered a compromise.

"And what if I can't wake up from the nightmare?"

"I'll leave the doors open and I will hear you from across the hall and come. Is that okay?"

"But what if you don't hear me, what if I have a silent nightmare?"

"You never have silent nightmares Izaya."

Izaya pouted again and dug his face into the pillow. She sighed at the younger ones behavior. She knew that this hurt his feelings, but he needed to learn to be independent. And the first step in making him independent was making him sleep alone. It was cruel, but he has to learn.

"I don't want to sleep alone, Namie. It's scary when I'm alone. And it's lonely."

"Izaya, your not a kid anymore, you need to learn. Can't you do this for me?"

That was a really cheap shot, but she needed to do it. He sighed looking unsure, but still nodded.

"Okay Namie, I'll do it for you."

"That's my boy." She smiled hugging the unsure raven head.

"You promise that you'll be there if nightmares come back, right?" he whispered softly.

"Of course I will, and I won't leave you until they are all gone."

"I love you Namie." He sighed in her shoulder.

She stiffened at those words. Again. Why was it so easy to deal with them before, and so hard now? Maybe because they felt real now. And…she didn't know how to answer the small raven. She didn't know what to say to the boy who said his _I love you_-s way too easily. Did he really feel that way? Her heart and mind both told her he did. His eyes and voice confirmed that assumption. Well then there was only one problem.

Did she love him?

Did she?

She never really thought about it. Izaya was a very important part of her life. What began as a relationship between master and a pet developed in a strong friendship. But did she feel something more for the boy? She wasn't sure. She lived with Izaya for a very long time and things were just confusing. She could never tell him that she doesn't know where her feelings for him lay, because…that would break his heart. She didn't want to break his heart. She didn't want to see the boy cry, not again.

He was a good kid. He deserved better then he got. He deserved a real family, real friends. He deserved to live his own life, not to spend it waiting on someone. She hugged the boy tighter, trying to apologize for all those years of abuse and neglect he took. And he never once complained. He never once raised his voice, or asked what he did to deserve such humiliation. He never once tried to hit back, to take revenge or to run away. He would just curl up in the corner, took all of the physical and mental abuse that was meant for him and silently cry himself to sleep.

He was such a good boy.

Suddenly she felt that pillow being pushed back on the bed and Izaya hugged her tightly.

"Don't be sad, Namie, please don't be sad."

What…how did he…

"Don't be sad Namie, everything will be okay. Please Namie. I want you to be happy."

…know?

"Izaya, what are you talking about?" she smiled at him.

"You were sad, you were sad because of something. Why were you sad?"

Same old Izaya, always worrying about someone else. Never once stopping to look back and take care of himself…

"I'm okay Izaya. I'm okay. No need to worry."

Izaya pushed himself from her studying her face with a serious expression.

"You were sad when I told you I loved you…Namie do you love me?" his voice quivered a bit, his heart both wanting to know the answer and fearing of what the answer may be.

She sighed. She had to tell him.

"I don't know Izaya. I…"

"What did I do?" his eyes looked at her with complete misery as tears started to get ready to fall down.

"No, no Izaya, not that way, you don't understand." She gasped out, quickly embracing the boy; "You don't understand Izaya. It's not that I don't love you at all. I do…I'm just not sure…is it the way you love me."

She felt his body relax a little as he trembled in her arms. Trembled from fear. From fear that her words brought.

"Okay. As long as you don't hate me." He whispered.

"I could never hate you."

"I love you, Namie."

She chuckle at that, feeling guilty while she did it. No matter what, his love was always so persistent. Always there, just for her, just to make her happy, just to make her smile. And that's exactly why…she couldn't keep on hiding some things from that boy.

"Izaya?"

"Yeah?"

"How much do you remember…about the time when you first…came to me?"

He twitched a bit and looked down on the floor, as if the answer would appear on the carpet. When it didn't, he sighed, realizing that he is on his own.

"Almost nothing…I remember that it was cold, and that I was scared, and there was something hurting me from my inside. And then you came and made everything better and I fell in love with you."

He looked up at her, hoping that's the answer she wanted to hear. She sighed, and pushed her self up on the front of the bed, resting in the pillows. She tapped a place next to her and Izaya, not needing to be told twice, plopped down there, choosing rather to curl up next to her like a kitten, then to sit up like a person in a normal conversation. She smiled at him fondly and brushed his dark locks, smiling even more when he closed his eyes in pure happiness.

"You know, Izaya. People don't fall in that kind of love when they are five. You were five."

"I guess I'm just different." He smiled, opening his eyes slightly.

"No you're not, Izaya. You didn't love me naturally…"

His head rose up, his eyes looking at her in confusion. She wasn't sure how much he knew, how much he guessed. But this was it, all cards on the table.

"…my uncle made you love me."

The room fell silent, his eyes staring at her in disbelief, begging her to take it back. To take it all back. To tell him that all his love wasn't just a lie, just a game. She didn't. She just stared at him. Stared at that helpless, scared, little animal that was caught in the trap of its own love.

"But…"

"I should have told you sooner."

"I…I loved you…"

"You thought you loved me."

"I still do…I still love you Namie."

His eyes begged her. Begged her to deny the horrible truth, begged her to accept his love.

"I can't see how you still can." She answered firmly, even thought she was falling apart looking at those eyes; "I ruined your life Izaya. You could have been happy if it wasn't for me."

"I love you…" he trailed, his eyes filled with tears.

Nobody ever told him what to do in this kind of situations. His head dropped back on the bed, and he turned his back to her, for the first time in his life, not letting her see the tears that started sliding down his cheeks.

"Izaya?" she said, but went quiet right after that, realizing that there are no words to fix this situation. Realizing that her presence just brought more pain to the boy.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I'm sorry." She said and stood up from the bed, not wanting to hurt the boy further.

She exited the room, throwing one last glance at the sobbing boy, before descending to the kitchen to get ready for dinner. Even though Izaya was the one who usually cooked in their home, she knew a few recipes herself. So she started to cook, trying to get her mind of the crying boy in the room.

Hours passed and Izaya didn't come down, not even after she called out to him for dinner. She ate her dinner alone, listening to the sound of silence coming from the hall. He wasn't crying anymore. But that didn't mean he was okay with what he's been told. To Izaya, his love towards Namie was his reason to live. She could only imagine the pain that passed through him when she told him that it was fake.

Finally she decided to go upstairs and check on the situation. She took a platter of food and a glass of water with her, knowing that he is going to be hungry. She knocked on his door softly, not sure how will she confront the younger one about this. Unsurprisingly, there was no response, so she opened the door and walked in, only to find Izaya in the exactly the same position he was in when she left.

"Izaya…I brought you some food."

"Not hungry." Came the quiet response.

She knew that was not true, so she sat herself on the bed next to him, food platter still in her hands.

"Come on Izaya. You have to eat something."

"Not hungry."

"Please Izaya."

"Not hungry."

"You know that I'm sorry right?"

"…Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why would your uncle do this to me?"

She sighed, laying the food platter on the night table. It could wait.

"My uncle wanted to make me happy so he brought me all kinds of dolls and toys. But I never liked any of them. So one day he told me that he is going to give me the best doll of all. One that would be alive. One that I could command to, one that would obey me without a second thought. That doll was you. I'm sorry, Izaya. It was all my fault."

Izaya sniffed silently, and at her surprise snuggled closer to her, turning around to face her.

"I could never blame you for anything, Namie."

"Izaya, how can you, I…"

"I don't care Namie, what happened, happened. It's in the past now. You were young and brought up by your uncle, who isn't exactly, well…I…you know."

"The nicest person." She finished for him, smiling sadly at his incapability to badmouth her uncle.

However she was surprised at the fact that usually cheerful and free minded Izaya said something so…serious.

"Namie?"

"Yes?"

"Can I…can I ask a few questions…about me?"

"Of course, but you need to eat too." She agreed shoving a plate of food in his arms.

He obediently nodded, propping himself up and sitting cross-legged. He picked around his food unwillingly, until finally taking a small piece to his mouth.

"Did…did I have…a family?" his voice shook with emotions.

"Yes, yes you did." She answered silently.

"Do they…" he gulped; "…know what happened…to me?" his sad eyes meet hers for a second, before his gaze fell back to the food.

"No…my uncle made it look like you died…drowned I think. I'm not sure how he did that, though."

Izaya choked back some tears and nodded, nibbling on his lip lightly.

"Did…did they love me?" his voice was silent, trembling, afraid of the answer.

"I don't know for sure, but I think they did. You were always such a good boy." She hoped that he wasn't in too much pain.

"Are…are they still…" he shook in fear slightly, tears dancing down his cheeks.

"Alive?" she asked, fearing that question.

He nodded painfully.

"No…I don't know what happened to your parents but they died."

Izaya cried out again, showing her head into her lap, mourning the people he never knew. Her own eyes stung with tears as she watched the younger one break into sobs, trying to comfort him when she knew that she could not. Izaya cried for his parents, for people he did not remember, but who gave him life. He cried until there were no more tears left in him, and the he just laid there, in Namie's lap, hiccupping softly in his sadness.

He thought of the family he once had, but lost. Were they close? Did they have fun together? Or where they cold and distant like Namie's family? What did they do for fun? Did he have any siblings? Pets? Namie mentioned none. He sniffed sadly thinking of the life he could've had. He tried to make his brain remember something…anything from those days that were lost. His mind came up with faint pictures of a smiling woman with tied up hair, and a serous man with glasses. A faint picture of a little boy tugging at his father's coat, smiling widely when his father would take some time to play with him. Yes they were happy, not perfect, but happy…until everything disappeared in clutches of Namie's uncle, and he was left alone. All alone. No…that wasn't true, he wasn't all alone. He still had Namie. Namie loved him, Namie cared for him.

"Izaya?" Namie's soft hum interrupted his thoughts.

"Yeah?" he looked up, trying to place a small smile on his face.

"Eat up, now and I will take you to see something, okay."

He nodded; pushing himself up, wondering what Namie wanted him to see. He just shrugged it off and finished the rest of the food, not really caring about what he was eating. Once when he was done, Namie took his hand and of they went to the great outdoors.

The sky was such a perfect color and there were no clouds in sight. The sun shined brightly and birds chirped happily, the whole nature doing its best to cheer him up. And it worked; he felt a shy smile enter his lips as Namie led him into unknown. Soft wind blew at them and her hair danced slightly in it, making her look even more entrancing.

_Love her. Love her forever, no matter what._

His mood changed again as he saw where was she leading him too. He shivered and moved closer to Namie's warm body as they entered the cemetery. He didn't know how, but the air was different here. The atmosphere was different too. It was still warm, but not as much as outside, as the tall oak trees shielded the ground from the sun. There were birds here too, but only crows and ravens were rude enough to disturb the sacred silence of those who passed away. Wind felt colder, and he shivered once more, taking a firmer hold on Namie's hand.

"Don't be afraid Izaya. I'm here."

"I'm not afraid." He responded bravely.

He wasn't much to look at, nor was he the bravest person in the world, but he was definitely not afraid of the cemetery. He just…didn't like the atmosphere. Yeah that was it. The atmosphere was too cold for his liking.

"Here, look."

He stared at the family grave with the names carved into the topmost stone. One of the names instantly caught his attention.

_Izaya Orihara_

Underneath that name were two more names, names that he should not know, but that still brought a silent feeling of sadness and nostalgia in to his heart.

_Shirou Orihara_

_Kyouko Orihara_

"Namie, is this…?" he trembled slightly at the thought.

"Yes." She answered simply.

"Shirou and Kyouko, they are my mom and dad…"

"Yes."

He felt tears start stinging his eyes again as he trailed his hand over the engraved names.

"I think I should have brought some flowers or something. Seeing as it is the first time I saw them in so many years." Tears slowly trailed their way down, falling on to the ground bellow which his mother and father rested.

"Wait here." Namie told him, and went off.

For the first time he barely noticed he absence, now trailing his fingers around his own name.

_Orihara…Orihara…Izaya Orihara…_so that's his real name…that's who he truly is. It felt strange, having a last name. He never had it before.

"Orihara. Izaya Orihara." He murmured, testing out to see how does it feel on his mouth. It felt good. It was a name filled with nostalgia, filled with memories which were forgotten so long ago.

He turned his attention back to the names of his mother and father.

"I'm so sorry." He murmured, letting his tears fall on their grave, hoping that they could hear him.

"I'm sorry I left. I love you mom, I love you dad. I love you so much."

He felt a pair of hands embrace him from behind, and he feel apart, for the second time that day, feeling Namie's soothing sent around him. He cried on the grave of his parents, and on his own grave. Grave that maybe did not hold his body, soul and spirit, but did hold all the innocence of the childhood he forgot. The grave that held all the love his mother and father had to offer to him. The ruthless, cold, distant grave, which held his parents imprisoned and helpless to comfort their crying son. The son they thought was dead, long before they died too. A child that grew up detached from himself and his own wellbeing, but still, managed to love so purely, like nobody else could.

Namie hugged Izaya, she hugged him hard as he turned around and dug his head into her, crying like never before. It was all too much for the young boy, all too much. But she knew that it was for the best that he knew everything. It will help him make decisions, help him stand on his own. But that didn't matter now. What did matter was holding that sad boy, holding him tight and keeping him from falling apart. She dug her head into the back of his neck while stroking his back trying to calm the sobs down. She didn't know how long did the stay like that, Izaya in her arms crying his heart out, but with the time he calmed down and was now just silently sniffing, still in her arms, as she stroked his hair.

"Izaya." She started silently, as if not to scare the gentle boy away; "I bought some lilies for your parents grave, would you like to put them there."

He nodded slowly; "Thank you, Namie."

He took the lilies gently ad searching around for water, taking the vase with him when he found it. Soon the white flower were in the vase placed on the cold stone, and to Izaya, the stone seemed just a little less cruel with the lilies on it.

"Izaya, we need to go now. You can come here tomorrow if you want to." Namie said silently.

Izaya nodded and got up from the ground, looking at his parent's grave one more time and trailing his fingers across their names, as if he was afraid that he will forget them again.

"Good bye mom, good bye dad. I love you."

**Author's note: Okay I somehow managed to get some tears into my eyes and make myself sad, I have no idea how. I usually couldn't care less about what I write. Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please review it inspires me and you all know it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: nophers**

„Namie, I'm back." Izaya called out coming in the house, hands full of grocery bags.

"Good, did you get everything?" came Namie's voice from the kitchen.

"Yup, cream, strawberries, vanilla…why do we need all of this anywise?"

"To make a cake, of course." Namie answered peeking out from the kitchen in an apron.

"Namie, you really don't have too…I'll make it myself." Izaya offered taking the things out.

"What you think I can't make a cake as good as you? Is that what you are saying Izaya?" Namie raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh at Izaya's expression.

"No, no, no! Of course not Namie! I didn't mean it like that, I swear!" he whined out in panic.

"It's okay Izaya, relax, I'm just teasing." Namie said laughing a bit at the panicked boy; "But you are going to make a cake, with me. You are going to show me how to make a perfect cake, Mr. Professional."

Izaya smiled and nodded; "Alright, what kind of a cake are we making?"

"Birthday cake."

"Oh?" Izaya looked up in confusion; "And whose birthday is it?"

Namie looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and Izaya just stared back in that puppy like expectance. Namie sometimes had a feeling that if Izaya had a tail, it would be wagging 24/7. This was one of those times.

"You have to be kidding me Izaya! You really don't know?"

Izaya's head tilted on the side, and he blinked in confusion. She could see he was uncomfortable with the situation. Izaya wasn't used to forgetting things; in fact he had an excellent memory. But, it would always be something small, and usually him related, that would throw him out of his memory track.

"It's your birthday Izaya. Remember? You're turning seventeen today." She said, almost rolling her eyes at the boy.

"Oh that's right." He said sheepishly rubbing his neck for forgetting such a simple thing.

"You really are hopeless." She sighed, before grabbing his hand and tugging him off to the kitchen; "Come on now we have a cake to make."

Next hour was spent inside the kitchen, as Izaya showed Namie how to make a perfect cake. Namie smiled at his childish excitement when she told him that they are going to have a real birthday party, presents and all. Izaya excited like a child on Christmas. He never before had a birthday party, none that he could remember at least, and was extra excited when Namie told him that she has a present for him. Of course after the obligatory _Namie, really you shouldn't have, I'm mean it's no big deal_… and things like that he went hyper and did what every kid does and asked what is it for at least a million times. She would just smile and say that it's a surprise.

She pitted him a little. Izaya never once had a birthday party when he was with her family. He never received presents either, not for his birthday or any of the holidays. He was just always somewhere in the background, being happy because she was happy. He never asked for anything, never once complained when he was left out of all the fun. He would always obediently stay behind to do whatever her uncle would tell him to do. And he would always welcome them back with a smile asking Namie what she did, and was it fun. He lived through her, experiencing the world through her eyes.

She remembered one time, on Christmas couple of years back, when Seiji was still half ignoring Izaya. It was snowing and every single child in their neighborhood came out pulling their sleds to have fun in the snow. She and Seiji did as any other children and went out to play. She remember how happy she was because Seiji came, for he did not leave the house all that often, forever mesmerized by the sleeping head. But this time he came and they rode a sled together and built a snowmen and even been in a snowball fight.

She remembered how, while there were building that snowman, she at some point looked back at their house, for no reason at all. She saw Izaya, skipping through the snow, like all the kids his age did. But unlike all the kids his age, instead of pulling a sled, he was pulling a shovel behind him. He wore her old jacket and a hat that didn't cover his ears completely, but he didn't seem to mind at all. He was looking absolutely happy, jumping through the snow on his way to free their drive way and from the freezing grip of snow. While all of the other children were playing, while the street was echoing in their laughter, Izaya was just glad that he was able to go out and see the snow. Izaya loved the snow, she remembered how he would stick his face on the window, every single time when the white snowflakes covered the ground.

They always love what they can't have.

She regretted that after seeing him like that she never called him to join her and Seiji. She knew Izaya would love that, but she really didn't care back then. Chores needed to be done, and if Izaya won't do them, who will? She just turned her head around and helped Seiji with the snowman, never caring for Izaya's feelings or wishes.

When she and Seiji returned home after day full of fun, Izaya was curled up in the sofa sleeping off his exhaustion. He looked like a child tired from playing all day, child curled up in a sofa, next to the fire, trying to regain his body heat. Only a part of that was true, for Izaya really was freezing and needed warmth. But his exhaustion came not from playing, but from working all day long. She could still see his chest rising and falling in the rhythm of life, his nose red from cold. He caught a nasty cold after that, but he always said it was worth it for seeing the snow again. Snow he never got to play in.

She remembered that there where croissants and hot chocolate on the kitchen table when they came home. Both were perfectly warm and tasty, a real blessing after a snow day. Now she had to wonder, did he leave any for himself. Any croissants to mellow down his hunger, any chocolate to help his frozen body. He probably did not, leaving the food to them and curled up on the sofa, detriment to wait for them and hear all the exciting stories that Namie is going to tell him about her snow day. But life wouldn't even let him have that, as his own body betrayed him and gave in to tiredness.

He was such a sad child, always living for others. Always trying to make others happy, caring none for himself. And she always just stood there and let him do it. It was cruel from her and now she was intending to fix that mistake. She wanted to watch him smile and laugh for real, for his own happiness, and not somebody else's.

"What is it Namie? Come on I can't wait any more!" Izaya whined out, interrupting her train of thoughts.

The cake was in the oven and she decided that now it was as good as time as any to give him his present.

"Alright Izaya, close your eyes now." She told him and he happily listened, practically jumping up and down from excitement.

She rolled her eyes and handed him the red wrapped box. He opened his eyes, all the happiness in the world floating in his eyes as he hugged her.

"Oh Namie, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You might want to open it before you thank me, I can't guarantee that you'll like it" she laughed.

_Actually I can, whatever I give you, you always like it._

"Okay! I can't wait to see what it is!" Izaya plopped down on the floor, carefully removing the wrapping paper from the box and finally opening it.

"Namie…"

"So do you like it?"

"I love it, thank you so much Namie!" Izaya looked up at her like a dog that just got a bone from his master. He was clutching his new fur trimmed jacket close to his chest with absolute happiness.

"I'm glad you like it. It's a bit warm for it right now, but when the winter comes there will be nothing better. Then you can go and play in the snow with it on."

"I can go play in snow!"

"Sure, when it falls." She smiled at him.

"I love you Namie, I love you so much." He shot up from the floor and hugged her once again.

"I love you too, Izaya." She smiled in his neck, feeling his warm scent around her.

They were interrupted by a doorbell ringing off.

"Who could that be, are you expecting someone Namie?" Izaya's head shot up.

"Yeah, those are your guest."

"Guests? I have guests?!"

"Yes, better not keep them waiting."

Izaya nodded his head eagerly bouncing his way to the door and opening them. On their doorsteps stood Namie's uncle and Seiji, accompanied by a strange man in the gas mask. Izaya tilted his head at the man as a slight feeling of fear passed through him. He remembered that man from somewhere, but he wasn't sure from where. However his brain reminded him to watch his manners, so he bowed respectfully at his guests.

"Good morning and welcome."

Mr. Yagiri smiled at him approvingly and Seiji just entered ignoring the older boy. Izaya was glad. He would rather have Seiji ignoring him, then tormenting him. Namie's uncle introduced the gas mask man as Dr. Kishitani and asked Izaya does he remember him, showing no surprise when Izaya said that he does not.

Izaya was really happy with his birthday party. The cake turned out great and everybody was happy and full by the end of the lunch. Namie looked very happy to, as she started talking again with her brother. Seiji, what was most important to Izaya, was behaving well towards him, actually treating him like a human being and not doing anything to humiliate or sadden the older boy.

All in all it was a very good day. Namie's uncle gave him two silver rings, telling him that they are very important to him and that he has to be very careful not to lose them. Namie almost started laughing at Izaya's face of pure joy and determination for being given such an important mission; he was simply overjoyed because Namie's uncle had so much faith in him.

After the meal was done and the dishes washed Namie's uncle and Dr. Kishitani went home, and Seiji stayed to talk to his sister a bit.

"You know, Seiji. I'm really happy that you and Izaya are getting along now." Namie said as she was greeting him out when he decided to go home.

"Yeah, I guess I have been a jerk to him all those years, huh." Seiji sighed.

"Yeah, kind of. But what's important is that we all get along now."

"Where is Izaya, by the way? Haven't seen him for a while now."

"He's probably at his parent's grave. He goes there every day."

"Oh I see, well goodbye Namie."

"Goodbye Seiji."

-Graveyard—

"Hi mom, hi dad. I'm back again; I brought you some new flowers." Izaya hummed as he arranged the new bought lilies around the grave; "You know, it's my birthday today. Namie threw me a real party, it was lots of fun. We had cake and it was really great. I'm sorry I didn't bring you any."

He sat down in the grass smiling a sad smile, as wind played with his hair; "You know, I may not remember a lot about you, but I still love you a lot. I bet you were the best parents ever and I'm so sorry I left you."

"I bet she was a whore." Harsh voice traveled from behind and Izaya spun around in surprise.

Seiji was standing behind him, deadly look in his eyes as he pierced Izaya with his gaze; "I bet she slept with every guy that passed through her door, hell I bet she slept with every guy in town."

Izaya's confused eyes angered Seiji. He wanted the stupid dog to cry, to be angry, humiliated, something. He wanted that power over him again, power which Namie took away from him. He needed Izaya's fear to make that power.

"S-Seiji? What do you mean?"

"You really are stupid aren't you? I mean that she was disloyal little whore, and I bet you're not even your fathers son. I bet that you're just mailman's bastard or something like that. Wouldn't surprise me."

Izaya's head went down to look at the ground as harsh words whipped his back.

"And I bet your so called _father_ was no better either. He was probably some old greasy pedophile. Am I right mutt? Do you remember you father playing some special games with you, huh mutt?!" Seiji burst in laughter enjoying Izaya's misery.

"You are wrong."

"What?" Seiji looked up; "What you say runt?"

"You are wrong Seiji. My mother and father were nothing like you say they were. I may not remember them a whole lot, but I know." Izaya looked at him in absolute determination.

"Are you defying me Izaya, are you now? Well I can't have that can I?" Seiji roared in anger and charged at Izaya ready to beat his brains out.

Every bad dog needs to learn its place.

Seiji huffed out in pain as Izaya's fist connected with his stomach. It was a completely instinctive action and Izaya himself looked surprised at what he did. Then surprise left and terror nested in boy's eyes as he realized the size of his mistake. Seiji looked at him and got up ready to kill, but before he could make a move, Izaya bolted of in terror.

"You'll pay for this you little weasel, you hear me?!" Seiji yelled after the fleeing boy, and snapped his phone open; "Yeah this is me. You have a permission to move in."

**Author's notes: You thought that Seiji is going to become a good guy too huh. Well wrong, Seiji stays a double time jerk he always was. And now since I'm on my dad's computer (family trip) and need to get off as soon as possible, I can't re-read what I wrote, so please excuse the mistakes. Please review, it keeps me alive (creatively)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: noooooh**

Izaya ran through raging rain as his breath came out in terrified gasps. His mind was running wild in horror of what he just did. He punched Seiji. He punched him! How could he, how dared he! Him punching Seiji was like a dog biting his master's hand. It was absolutely unforgivable. Sure Seiji looked about ready to kill him, but for the sake of everything he was supposed to stay put and take his punishment, like every good dog would. He wasn't even supposed to oppose Seiji in the first place. It wasn't important what Seiji said about his parents, Seiji was the master and he was allowed to say anything he wanted. Izaya should've stayed quiet. He was not supposed to fight back. If Seiji wanted to insult him, beat him…kill him…then Izaya should've let him do it. But no, Izaya broke the rule, he punched Seiji and he ran away. Oh, how did he dare to run away after what he did? He was supposed to stay put and take the punishment he deserved for behaving so bad. If he was a good dog he would've stayed.

Was he…was he bad?

Izaya stopped in a halt at that shocking thought. He breathed heavily in exhaustion and cold rain soaked his hair, sticking his shirt to his chest. He looked miserable, he felt miserable. It could not be. Him, bad? He wasn't bad. He was good, right? He always did what he was supposed to and always listened to Namie and her uncle and Seiji…but he opposed Seiji today…he wasn't supposed to do that. He was bad, he was a bad dog, bad Izaya.

What is he going to do now?

He was terrified, he knew that Seiji could get really violent and he had no doubts that Seiji could seriously hurt him…if not even kill him. He didn't want to go back, go back where Seiji was…but he knew that he did Seiji wrong, and he is going to have to apologies and take his punishment. His body shook underneath him, in coldness and brutality of the rain, and new blossoming fear. He saw Seiji's eyes; he saw them just a few minutes ago. Those eyes wanted to hurt him, wanted to make him suffer, cry and scream. How could he find enough courage to go back, to go back in front of those eyes? He did not want to go back, he wanted to keep on running in the direction of his home and curl up next to Namie's comforting presence. He wanted to be near Namie, where it's warm and safe, and not out here, where it's deathly cold and the air is heavy with danger that lurks in the darkness.

But he was afraid. He was afraid to go back to Seiji and he was afraid to go back to Namie. What if Seiji called her? What if he called her and told her that Izaya misbehaved, that Izaya punched Seiji. Namie would surely be furious with him. He did not want Namie to be mad at him. He did not want to be a cause of her pain. And if she knew that he was so bad…she would surely kick him out. He did not want that. He needed Namie, he was addicted on her love, her presence, just her. If she was to leave him, he would surely die. He knew that.

He shook his head in shock at himself. How can he be so selfish to think only about himself? If Seiji calls Namie and tells her about how Izaya was bad, then Namie would be angry, maybe even sad. He was so selfish and hasn't even considered the way she felt, just thinking of himself. He had to go back and apologies to Seiji, beg him for forgiveness if needed. Seiji would be happy to embarrass him like that, maybe beat him up too or fill his mouth with mud or something like that. But maybe, if Izaya plays his part good enough, Seiji would satisfy himself with humiliating Izaya, and will not cause any pain to Namie. Yes, that was the best way to go.

He would have turned around and sprinted back to graveyard right then and there if he hadn't felt something. Something in his heart, aching, calling, twisting, turning, making him feel uncomfortable and anxious. Something was wrong, misplaced, something just wasn't right. Something wasn't right with Namie. He could feel it. He could sense that lingering feeling in the pit of his stomach. That was the same feeling that would alert him that Namie felt distressed in their childhood, when she needed his comfort, the same feeling that made him able to tell when she was done with school. That feeling was similar to feeling he got when she would fall off a bike somewhere in the street and that feeling would come and alert him all the way to their home. Only this time, that same feeling was ten times stronger.

He doubled over himself in pain, shutting his eyes close and trying to subside that awful feeling. That feeling clawed at his insides, yelling and cursing at him. Telling him to go find Namie, to go and find her now, before something terrible happens. He shakily stood up; hoping that obeying the orders will lessen the pain that now took place inside his stomach and his head. He looked around, trying to orientate himself in the hazy world of rain, but the pain was screaming louder and louder, taking his concentration away. He collapsed down once again, trying to regain his breath, and in the same time trying to stand up, trying to go and find Namie. Because the feeling told him that Namie needed him, that he was supposed to be there for her…that she was in danger.

"Izaya…is that you? What are you doing here? Izaya, are you okay?"

A rough voice broke through the rain and he felt a familiar pair of hands lift him of the ground. Namie's uncle looked at him in worry, trying to make him sit up on his own. But Izaya suddenly felt exhausted. So exhausted, his head fell on his chest and his eyes started to close shut. He fought the sleep long enough to inform Namie's uncle of the situation;

"Namie…something…wrong…help." He gasped out before the blackness overtook.

Seitarou Yagiri looked down at the boy with worry in his eyes. What happened to Izaya? He looked absolutely exhausted, his breathing just slightly edgy. What did the boy say? That Namie needed help? Well he might as well check on his niece, he was heading back to her house anywise, seeing as his friend forgot his keys.

He picked up the fainted boy, thinking of how lucky Izaya was for him to spot him through this hell of a rain. The boy was wet like a dog and shaking violently. Who knows how long he's been outside in the cold. He opened the back door of the car and laid the boy down, mumbling and explanation to his friend in the front seat. He started the car and proceeded on his way to Namie's house.

"What happened to him?" Shingen Kishitani spoke up, his voice muffed because of the gas mask.

"I don't know, but something is wrong. As soon as Izaya starts to act like that, something is wrong."

The car was met with an unpleasant silence, interrupted only by the sounds of Izaya's harsh breathing as they neared the house. Seitarou's heart skipped a bit when he saw it. Even through the rain he could clearly see that the doors were broken in and the windows were smashed. He stopped the car and rushed to the house. Everything inside was tipped over, signs of a fight obvious to anyone who dared to look at the blood droplets on the floor.

"Oh no, Namie…Namie! Namie are you here, answer me."

Seitarou searched the house, but Namie was not inside. A grave feeling came over him, as he connected Izaya's condition and the scene that he found. Namie was gone, somebody took her away.

"Where is Namie?" Izaya's small voice came from the front door.

"I'm sorry Seitarou, I tried to keep him in the car, but he's fa…what happened in here?"

Seitarou ignored his friend and business partner as he approached the boy who shook at the entrance. His big eyes absorbed the room, passing along the tipped over sofa and the smashed TV, to finally stop at those blooming stains of blood.

"We are too late." He whispered and collapsed down.

Seitarou grumbled and pulled the boy up, propping him against the wall in the sitting position. He grabbed Izaya's face and made him meet his eyes. He looked into those eyes, eyes full of pain and sadness. Tears started welling up in those red orbs.

"Izaya how old are you?" he asked firmly, even though he knew the answer.

"I'm seventeen, sir." Izaya whispered.

"Seventeen. You are seventeen years old and you are still bawling like a baby over here on the floor. You are too old for this Izaya. If you were hurt, then I would let it slide, but this! Izaya, Namie is in danger, we have no time for your cry fest right now. We need to find her. If you are going to help you can come with us, but if you are just going to sit there sniveling all day then I'm leaving you right here."

Izaya looked shocked and ashamed at the same time.

"So what is it going to be boy, you're gona man up for once in your life, or you're gona stay here?" Seitarou barked out, trying to shake the boy out of his trance.

"I want to help." Izaya whispered, looking down to the floor.

"That's good, because you're pretty much the one who has the biggest chances to find her." Came the doctor's voice as he poked down on some trinkets that Namie collected.

"What do you mean, Shingen?" Seitarou asked.

"Well remember when I talked to you about…" Dr. Kishitani looked at Izaya; "Would you mind leaving us for a bit boy?"

Izaya looked curious, but still obediently left the room. Dr. Kishitani turned to his friend, his expression hidden behind the mask.

"We need to find your niece before whoever kidnapped her kills her, or we'll lose the boy too." He said with worry in his voice.

"What! How?" Seitarou yelled in anger.

"Well remember when you brought me the boy and told me to make him a toy for your niece? Well you see, I was thinking that if your niece dies for some reason, you wouldn't want to keep the boy around anymore, am I right? So he is…from a lack of that better word programmed to let's say shut down as soon as she dies."

"You programmed him to die!?" Seitarou couldn't believe this. Sure his friend had some weird ideas, but programming a kid to die…;"Is there any way to stop that."

"Find the girl. He needs her. According to my calculations that unconsciousness attack he had was probably caused by her being severely injured. He depends on her; he is addicted to her presence and her life energy. Very soon, maybe even as we speak, his body will start to miss her life energy and he will get uncontrollable. He will try to feed his addiction with anything he can, firstly probably seeking things that have her scent on her, pillows, clothes and such. But eventually that won't be enough, his body is going to start to collapse and he will become more and more exhausted something like drug addicts. And well if she dies, he'll know, he'll feel it and he will die. Like a dog who dies in grieving for it master, right!"

Seitarou couldn't believe when Shingen started laughing. He started to doubt their experiment, for the first time in twelve years he asked himself what he really did when he took Izaya from the beach that day.

"But we can turn that to our advantage." Shingen exclaimed, excitedly pointing up.

"How so?"

"As I said, the boy is desperate to find his life source right now. He will go and try to find her, track her like a bloodhound, I'm sure!"

"How can he?"

"There is this very interesting theory about energy fields, you know. They say that two people who are close usually share the same energy field. That's why they sometimes seem like they know exactly what the other one is thinking and such. Experiments showed that same goes for animals. You see they did these experiments with dogs and their owners and…"

"Shingen what does any of this have to do with Izaya?"

"Would you let me finish?! So the theory was that the dogs always know when their owners are coming back from work, shopping, parties, etc. because they share the same energy field with their owners. Animals can just sense it better then we can. So the owner would use different forms of transportation every time during the experiment and came home at different times, but every single time the dog would know when its master was coming and would come out to greet him or her. I think that same goes with our little friend up there, because we meddled with his brain he is not fully able to develop as a completely independent human being, but is able to sense those energy fields better then we can and I am confident that he can lead us right to you niece."

Seitarou sighed nodding. He heard crazier things from his friend, and this one actually made sense. He remembered how Namie told him that Izaya somehow always knows when she will exit school and he remembered a couple of incidents, when both Izaya and Namie were young and Namie would fall of the bike or something a couple streets away from the house and in the house Izaya would suddenly burst through the door of his study saying that Namie is hurt, even though there was never a scream to be heard.

Izaya was never once wrong.

Not even once.

"Fine, if anybody can find her I bet its Izaya. But still call the police, I'm going to get him and then we are going to find her. You can go home yourself right?"

"Oh, no I'm going with you. This is my one chance to observe his behavior at such circumstances."

Seitarou gritted his teeth, but said nothing as he made his way to Izaya's room. The boy wasn't it there and that didn't surprise him all that much. He was in Namie's room. Of course he would be there. That was no surprise. But the state in which boy was in did surprise Seitarou. Izaya was curled up on Namie's bed, clutching her pillow against his chest, his head buried in deep. He was shaking and murmuring something inarticulate.

"Izaya my boy, are you alright." He asked taking a seat next to the boy he designed. It was cruel he knew, it was cruel to make him like this.

Izaya hiccupped from behind the pillow and Seitarou asked himself how will this boy ever be able to stand up on his own. This world is going to chew hi up and spit him out with no mercy.

"…my fault." Izaya murmured softly in crying voice.

"What did you say Izaya?"

Izaya's face rose up from behind the pillow. He was trembling, Seitarou noticed, trembling from fear. Seitarou already saw this face on Izaya. That was the face of guilt which he wore when he would come into his study, looking like a kicked puppy, to tell him that he did _something bad._ Something bad in Izaya's dictionary could mean all sorts of things, from not being able to do all of his chores in before his bed time to simply breaking a glass or a plate while washing them. Izaya had a strange habit to blame himself for everything and to blow every single mistake out of proportions, which is why he would always come into Seitarou's study, looking guilty and sad and scared, for him every little mistake could mean being thrown out of the house, separated from the girl he loved. Izaya more than once, when he would do _something very bad_ in his opinion, beg to Seitarou not to kick him out, to punish him any way he pleased but _please not to kick him out, sir. _Izaya's eyes were like that now. Izaya was afraid of the consequences of him telling whatever he is going to tell, but also Izaya could not keep it to himself. Seitarou maybe did designee Izaya for Namie, but he made him a bit to his liking also. Izaya could not lie to any member of Yagiri family, nor could he keep a secret from them.

"This…is my fault sir…I did something very, very bad. I was very, very bad. I'm so sorry." He said and his head sunk down once again.

"What did you do Izaya, and how could that affect this?"

"I-I-I punched Seiji. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, sir, I just did it. I'm so very sorry, I was really scared and he looked so mad. I'm sorry. I thought that he was going to kill me, I'm so, so sorry…"

Seitarou just sat there in shock listening to Izaya's thousand apologies. Izaya punched Seiji? How is that even possible? Izaya never once did anything to oppose anyone. Izaya couldn't do that, they removed any sign of violence out of his brain, right? Was it just instinct? Pure animalistic instinct to protect oneself?

"Izaya what exactly happened?" he asked the boy who looked like he was preparing for at least a harsh slap, and another whipping at most.

Izaya shook a little but obeyed and told him a very sorrified version of the events. Seitarou was sure that Izaya mellowed down some of Seiji's parts. It was Izaya's instinct to protect Seiji and Namie even at his own expense.

"…and I think that maybe Seiji was mad at me, so he-so he-so he…" Izaya bit his lip, not able to go on.

But Seitarou got the picture. He did notice that Seiji was acting weirder than usual, but he wasn't sure would the boy actually kidnap his own sister. He took out his phone and called Seiji. Once, twice, three times…nothing. That still didn't mean anything, but Izaya's story unnerved him. What was going on with Seiji?

"Sir, am I bad?" Izaya's big dog like eyes looked up at him in complete misery.

"You mustn't punch people Izaya, and I never want you to do that again. But I won't punish you. We have better things to do now. We need to find Namie and make sure that she is safe. But never again Izaya." He said, and then added; "Not unless you do it to protect yourself or somebody, that is the only time when I will tolerate violence from you. Understood."

"Yes, sir." Izaya nodded importantly, and Seitarou knew that the lesson was permanently engraved in Izaya's mind.

"Alright, now back to the problem at hand. Dr. Kishitani told me that maybe you can sense where Namie is and lead us to her Izaya. Do you think you can do this?"

Izaya suddenly stood up, look of deep concentration on his face. He slowly nodded looking very sure in himself.

"Yes, I'm sure I can, sir. I'll find her. I will!"

"Good boy, Izaya. Get yourself down in the car and let's go."

Izaya followed his orders and looked at the misty horizon as the car started. He will follow that feeling in his heart, that feeling that always told him where Namie was, and is she safe. He will find her, he will save her. He will save her, and with her he will save himself as well.

**Author's notes: UUUUH Izaya's Namie senses are tingling! Am I the only one who thought of that? Yes? Okay? About the whole energy field thing, my grandma told me that she saw some show on that (or was it the electric fields) so I'm not really sure did I got everything correctly, but it's somewhere near the scientific true. So today you got a new chapter and a small science lesson, good for you. Am I the only one who loves imagining Izaya with puppy dog eyes? Am I annoying you with dog references? I'm so sorry, but puppy dog eyes on an anime character are a pure win on me, if they use them on me they can pretty much have we swooning of my feet, so yeah…the weird thing is that I'm actually more of a cat person…but who can resist puppy dog eyes I mean come on…what am I talking about again? Oh well, please review! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I LIKE MILK AND DON'T OWN DRRR! FTW!**

Izaya drowned in muffling silence that filled the car. They were driving for hours, directed only by Izaya's senses. Izaya did not feel good. It felt wrong not to have Namie near and his soul hurt him a lot, the pain spreading through the rest of his body like wildfire. It hurt. It hurt so much; it hurt so much to be alone. He wanted Naime back, that's all. He just wanted for her to come back and take the pain away. He pushed his head into Seitarou's lap, begging for any kind of comfort. Seitarou grumbled but didn't push him away, laying his big hand on Izaya's head. He knew how boy felt, and he knew that since he created the boy he is responsible for him. Seitarou was sitting in the passenger's seat at the moment. Him and Dr. Kishitani were switching there roles as a driver every few hours. Izaya was sitting on the floor in the back, trying his best to get some attention, some love. His body burned with desire to be loved again.

"Please sir, make it stop, make it stop." He whimpered out, pushing his head further into man's hand.

Seitarou sighed, picking the boy up and sitting him on his lap. Izaya curled up like a kitten starved of affection. He was trembling all over and looking like an abounded little puppy, begging to be picked up and loved again.

"I'm sorry, sir, I really did try. I failed you, sir."

"What are you rambling on about boy?" Seitarou grumbled which earned him a wince from Izaya.

"I lost her. You told me to be hers and only hers, never to leave her side. You told me to always listen to her and do what ever she says. And now she is in danger because of me. I'm such failure."

"Izaya, shut up."

The boy hiccupped and obeyed the given command, nuzzling closer to man's comforting warmth. It wasn't enough, he needed Namie, he wanted Namie. But her uncle is just going to have to do until he finds his love again.

Seitarou played with the boy's hair, trying to think. The boy has been way too loud, so he had to silence him, even though he did understand that the boy was in pain. But finding Namie was the most important thing now. The police was already informed, but him and Shingen had a better chance in finding her with Izaya by their side. He had a gun ready for whoever dared to do this to his beloved niece.

"Were to, Izaya?" Shingen asked as he slowed down on another intersection.

The boy wordlessly pointed left, still obeying his _be quiet_ command. Shingen turned left, having no doubts in the boy. They were in a thick birch forest, on the ground road. Izaya hiccupped every time when they want over a bump on the road and honestly, it was getting a bit annoying. Seitarou picked up the boy once again and this time he pushed him back to the back seat. Izaya made a move to come back upfront, but he showed his hand into boy's chest locking him in the place. He flipped the seat belt over him, safely trapping him in the back. Izaya's pain filled eyes looked up at him with tears about to fall, wondering, asking what he did wrong?

"Izaya, stay." Was the only answer he gave to the boy, turning his back to does betrayed eyes.

Izaya whimpered apologetically, mutely asking his master to forgive him for doing whatever bad he did. But he master did not turn back and Izaya was left all alone with that massive pain resting in his chest. He hugged himself, trying not to cry, but he felt so alone, so alone and abandoned.

"Izaya stop your wining already, you're not a kid anymore." Seitarou growled.

Izaya sniffed, trying to calm down. But Namie's uncle did not understand. The pain was immense, unbearable, and Izaya once again found himself wiping tears from his eyes. He missed Namie, he missed her so much. His heart ached for her, for her touch, her scent, her love.

Will she ever love him again?

After he failed her like that, will she love him? What if she just throws him out, out in the cruel rain of the world? He could not survive if that was to happen. He would miss her too much, his heart would break, it would, he knew. He whimpered in pain and loneliness, grasping his knees near his chest and digging his head into them.

He could not let go. He could not let go of his childish love and that's what kept him a child, preventing him to grow mentally. Izaya craved for attention, he craved for love, he was falling apart without it. He leaned forward and laid his head on his master's shoulder, begging for attention.

"Please sir, I can't take it any more. It hurts. It hurts a lot." He dropped down the _no talking_ command, even though he knew that would only annoy his master further.

Then just as Seitarou was turning around to answer him, something in Izaya exploded. He let out a laud screech of pain, as lava of emotions bit his insides. A shock of electricity filled his body, making him scream and within his mind he heard a single scream that did not belong to him.

It belonged to her.

Namie was screaming.

_Protect her._

His body moved on its owned as his instincts kicked in. His master's mouth were opening and closing, but it all fell on deaf ears. His only mission was to find her now. To find her and…

_Keep her safe. Keep her safe with your life._

…rescue her from the pain she was in. He doses not know or care how, but somehow he weaseled his way out of the seat belt and opened the car door.

"Izaya! Wait!" a single shout came through too his panicked mind, but it was too late.

He jumped out of the car, landing swiftly on his feet and continuing his run with not a second to stop, look back and ask himself what is he doing. His mind was set only on one thing, only on her. He was a dog on a mission. A mission to find his beloved master, to put and end to this pain of separation. He did not think about his actions, he just acted, feeling her so close and yet so far. She was in pain; he was supposed to stop that.

Izaya's breaths grew hard and labored as he made his way through the tick forest. Leaves danced around him as his sprinting legs would bring them up. He moved fast, in feline like movements, dodging the upcoming trees, faster and faster, ignoring the aching pain in his lungs. In his mind breathing took second place to one thing he cared about the most.

"Namie, Namie, Namie, Namie." He whispered as he ran, keeping himself going in search oh his love.

_Love her. Love her no matter what. She is your master. Master of your heart, soul and body. What she says you do, never oppose her. Never do you hear me! She is you love, your life, your master…_

Izaya ran in desperate search, his lungs begging for air and his muscles begging for rest. But it was his soul and his heart that begged the loudest. Find her, they begged. Find her and everything will be alright. There will be no more pain; you will be able to breathe again.

FIND HER!

_…your god._

SAVE HER!

_She is your god._

NEVER LET HER GO AGAIN.

_You will obey her._

Izaya Orihara did indeed love Namie Yagiri. That love was pure, childish but strong. Stronger then any other love in the world. And the reason for that love to be so strong…was in its dirty, dark roots.

_Five year old Izaya Orihara sniffled when he woke up once again. He was in a dark, cold room, and he had no idea how he got there. The last thing he remembered was being at the beach with his parents…when something grabbed him._

_"Mommy? Daddy? Where are you? Where am I?" he wailed, his sore-full cries drowning in ever-present silence of the room._

_Izaya looked around, trying to understand what was going on. Was this some kind of game? For it wasn't fun. He was scared and lonely and hungry and he wanted to go home._

_"Mommy? Where are you mommy? I'm scared mommy, please come back." _

_The room was big and dark and there was a big table not far from where Izaya was sitting. Something gleamed on the table and Izaya froze and gulped, standing perfectly still as not to alert the monsters shiny eyes. Now he was really scared. He was trapped in a dark room with a monster with shiny eyes._

_Suddenly the door creaked open and he spun around, hoping that his daddy came to save him from the monster. But at the door was not his daddy, but two large strange men. One wore a white coat like a doctor and Izaya didn't like that. He wasn't sick so why did the doctor need to come. Izaya didn't like doctors. Doctors were big and scary and they had needles and they would always say; "This won't hurt a bit." And then it would hurt a lot. Doctors were liars._

_The doctor, oblivious to Izaya's thoughts against him, strode of to the table and picked up the monster. That was the scariest monster that Izaya has ever seen and his eyes went saucer huge at the sight of the biggest needle in the world, filled with liquid red as blood. That was not...going in him, right? Izaya gulped loudly and suddenly he felt picked up by the other man. He was seated on the table, way too close to the evil needle._

_"Are you sure in this Seitarou?" the doctor asked._

_"Of course I am." The man responded gruffly._

_And suddenly the needle was stuck in Izaya's arm, ripping through his skin like a knife. He screamed and struggled for the liquid, that started to mix with his blood, burned his body. He shrieked, kicked and punched, trying to get away from the pain that got worse by the minute, but the man held him firmly. Finally, when every last drop of the red liquid entered Izaya, the doctor pulled the syringe out and Izaya broke down in tears._

_"Stop it, stop it, I want my mommy. Where are you mommy?"_

_His wails were interrupted by a laud slap and Izaya stopped crying contained in the shock of the moment. He was never slapped before. This was shocking to his five year old mind. And the thing that shocked him even worse came after the slap._

_"Don't call for your mother, for you have none. You have no mother, no father, and no family. Understood."_

_What did the big man mean? Of course he had a family, everybody has a family._

_"What do you…aaah!" Izaya screamed as a ripping pain went through his mind, stopping him from opposing the man._

_The pain continued as the man spoke further and the pain engraved those words into boy's delicate mind._

_"Your name will be Izaya and just Izaya from now on, no surname. You will obey or you will die. Right now you are no one, you are dead for the rest of the world and you will be reborn, but you will be reborn in the creature that I want you to become."_

_Izaya's head was spinning in confusion as something red and hungry entered his brain and ate away his fragile childish memories until there was nothing left. He was floating, he was floating in nothingness that was inhabited only by the man's words. And his brain took the words and accepted them, because for Izaya there was nothing more, nothing more that was left._

_Next few weeks were filled with repetitive brainwashing, torture, lessons and training. They wanted to make sure that they deleted every single bit of boy's memories. They trained him to become a perfect little pet that would obey every single order with no questions. Sometimes, small fragments of the memories were released in his mind and he would try to escape, only to be brought back and punished thoroughly, having more Saika injected in him._

_Then came the day when he could not handle the pain of loneliness anymore. He cried all day as the Saika monster clawed at his insides, feeling, tasting that the end of the training is near. The monster wanted to love and it cared not for the boy it destroyed in the process._

_And then, just as he though he would die out of loneliness, she came. His black haired angel. Angel with soft hands that so comfortingly stroked his hair, his cheeks, chasing the pain away,_

_lulling him to peaceful sleep._

_He wowed that he would love and protect her forever._

"Namie." He gasped out one last time as he came to halt in front of the moldy, old house were his senses indicated Namie was.

He walked in carefully, as quietly as he could, holding his breath as fear finally showed its ugly face. But still, there was no fear for himself. Oh no, he was not important at all. But if something was to happen to Namie…he could not bare that. He stepped carefully, not to step on any creaking floor board as he held his breath in unease. He listened to his heart direct him to the door of the room and he carefully opened them, gasping at the sight.

Namie was lying on the floor, unconscious, blood slowly trickling down her forehead. Her arms and legs were tied up. Her clothes were bloodied and muddy, her cheeks and arms bruised with punches. There was some kind of belt around her waist.

He did not think twice as he ran to her side and hugged her tightly, promising her that everything will be okay.

"Ahh, look who decided to join the party!" A familiar voice rang through and the sound of the door being closed shut snapped Izaya's head up.

Seiji stood in front of the door, a victorious grin on his lips and two small devices in his hands.

"Seiji?" Izaya whispered his fear apparent.

Yes, Izaya was three years older then Seiji…but Seiji was still his master. And Izaya was afraid of him. Actually he was traumatically horrified of Seiji. Seiji was a bad person; Izaya knew that, he felt that. But he wasn't allowed to say anything.

"Did you know that my sister and uncle took Her away from me?" Seiji asked, not really looking for an answer; "So I thought, if I'm not allowed to be with my love, then neither is Namie. That's only fair, wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm not her love, just her pet." Izaya could practically hear his heart thumping as he hugged Namie closer, begging her to wake up and save him.

"True, true. But she still cares about you and that is a kind of love. If I can't have my love, she can't have hers. So I'm claiming you now. Izaya come here!"

Izaya felt his muscles react to the command and sway him forwards a bit, but his terrified brain decided to interview at that point making him go back down. He curled up next to Namie and shook his head no.

"No? Oh well, then you leave me no choice. Say Izaya, do you know what this is?"

Seiji lifted up one of devices that had a big red button on it. Izaya shook his head no.

"Heh, you really are an idiot. This is a bomb detonator, you incompetent fool. And the bomb is on Namie. Now, I'm sure that you are smart enough to know what a bomb is, right?"

Izaya's eyes went wide as they settled on Namie's waist. Sure enough she had bombs tied around her. How could Seiji do this, Namie was his own sister.

"Now I'm going to count to three and if you don't get yourself over here by then, Namie goes boom, alright?" Seiji said like talking to a toddler; "One…"

There was never two or three for Izaya bolted from his position and straight to Seiji, not thinking once about himself.

"Please don't kill her Seiji, I'll do what ever you want, just don't kill her" Izaya begged, digging his head into Seiji's leg, hiding his tears.

"Let go of me you disgusting mutt and don't call me by my name you don't deserve that. You are a dog and I'm you master, got that or is your brain to small to actually process all of that at once!?"

"I'm sorry master." Izaya whispered, curling up in himself, tears streaming freely.

"Whatever, turn around now, there is one more thing I have to do before we go." Seiji grumbled, toying with the second device.

Izaya gave him a questionable look but made no complaints as he obeyed the order. Once he had his back turned to Seiji, Seiji grabbed his head pushing it down, exposing the thin, porcelain colored neck. And then he showed the device in the base of the older boy's neck. Izaya screamed in pain as electricity ran through him and he felt his skin burn where the device has touched him. He fell unconscious as soon as device left his neck. In its place there stood a small burn mark.

Seiji smiled in satisfaction and pulled the older boy away, knowing that his uncle is soon to find his sister. But by then, Seiji would already be long gone with his newest possession.

-With Seitarou and Shingen, 15 or so min. before-

Seitarou cursed out loud as the boy disappeared into the forest.

Shingen whistled and chuckled; "Quite a runner isn't he, how are we going to find him now?"

Setarou dug through his pockets and fished out his mobile phone. He entered some kind of code and the landscape appeared on the screen with a single, red, fast-moving dot.

The doctor chuckled again; "Is that what I think it is? You tagged the boy?"

"It just a small chip in his neck, he doesn't even know its there, now come on we have a kid to follow."

They exited the car, and started following the red dot that presented Izaya.

"And I don't see why tagging him would be strange." Seitarou continued; "He is a project worth millions, it's only natural from me to protect my investments."

"I'll just call it your own, little way of being overprotective." Shingen chuckled, which got him a glare from his friend.

They followed the dot for ten more minutes, until it suddenly disappeared. Seitarou stared blankly into the screen, wondering what could have happened.

"It's almost like…somebody fried out the chip…" he said confused and a little worried about what might have happened to the boy.

"Well let's keep looking; he can't be far from here."

Twenty more minutes will pass until they find the house and tied up Namie…but no Izaya in sight.

**Author's notes: Dun dun dun duuuun, oh the horror of me, can't I just get the poor guy a brake…pfft hahahahahahahhahaha of course not, to bad for you Izaya but I'm one sadistic writer. Oh well. I just really wanted to get Izaya chipped for some reason, lol Seitarou is a crazy stalker. And guess what guys I finally learned to spell Seitarou's name without having to look it up. How awesome am I….(cue cricket ciphering in the background (oh my…there are actual crickets ciphering outside my window…creepy…pfft not)) Ahh Darth Zannah I'm so glad you like my little notes, you get a free duck just for that "holds up a duck"**

**Sapphire: Why in the name of the world are you giving ducks out.**

**Me: Well because we are celebrating Duck Day of course.**

**…**

**Sapphire: There is no such thing as Duck Day -_-**

**Me: Yes there is.**

**Sapph: No there is not.**

**Me: Is too.**

**Sapph: Is not.**

**Me: Is too.**

**Sapph: Is. not.**

**Me: I bet there is a Duck Day somewhere in the world and for me it's today so everybody gets a free duck! Don't eat them please.**

**Oh and please review and I will throw in chibi Izaya too.**

**Sapphire: We produce those?**

**Me: We do now!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Before you start to read I would like to sincerely apologize for…well you'll see. If you plan hating me for it, just remember: It was not me it was the plot bunnies.**

**Disclaimer: NOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUH**

_Five year old Izaya followed the sound of Namie's laughter coming from her room. He peeked in finding Namie playing with Seiji who was two years old. Namie looked up at him questioningly._

_"You need something, Izaya?"_

_He just waved his head no, biting his lip._

_"What is it?"_

_"Can I play too?" he asked silently, looking down at his feet._

_"Okay than, come here." _

_He bounced up and by her side._

_"We are playing house. I'm mommy and Seiji is the baby."_

_"What will I be?" he asked tilting his head._

_Namie put her finger on her chin thinking. Meanwhile Seiji wandered over to Izaya and started his favorite activity of the week, which was plucking Izaya's hair out._

_"Ouch, Seiji that hurts." Izaya whimpered, trying to convince the baby to let him go. _

_"Iza-doggy." Seiji gurgled tugging down on Izaya's hair, making the older boy cry out._

_"Seiji, please that hurts."_

_"That's right, Seiji, Izaya you will be a doggy." Namie clasped her hands, ignoring Izaya's discomfort; "And I have just the thing for it!" She jumped up and went for her toys, leaving Izaya alone with Seiji who cooed in happiness as Izaya whined beneath him._

_"Iza-doggy, eat doggy." Seiji was in the middle of trying to feed Izaya his own plucked out hair when Namie returned._

_She held a pink collar and a leash that she took off of one of her toys and now she pulled those around Izaya's neck, tugging at them slightly to make sure they are in place. Seiji sat beside her, paying close attention like a student in class. When she was done he came to him once again and patted him on the head._

_"Good doggy, Iza. Good doggy." _

_Izaya actually felt happy for being called a good doggy. Seiji rarely ever paid attention to him and when he did it was usually to pull out Izaya's hair with fascination. And now he actually praised him! Izaya felt happy. He felt happy because he was able to play with Namie and because Seiji said that he was good._

_The games continued relatively harmlessly; except for few times when Izaya's leash got playfully pulled by Seiji making him momentarily lose air. That's it until Namie's and Seiji's uncle came home. Hearing to doors open Seiji burst out in happy giggles and ran of down stair towards the sound. Unfortunately Izaya's leash was in his hand the whole time and Izaya, who knew nothing of resistance, found himself being pulled down stairs as his screams of pain and fear mixed with Seiji's happy giggles. _

_Seitarou Yagiri was rather bewildered when he saw his nephew running to him, his bottle full of juice in one hand and a pink leash tied to terrified Izaya in other. Seiji didn't let go of the leash until he pounced on his uncle laughing all the way. By that time Izaya was laying on the floor moaning in pain._

_"Sir, I think I broke my arm." Izaya sniffed out, looking at the now useless limb, spread in unnatural angle._

_Seiji turned around in his uncle's arms a mad pout on his face as he flung his bottle down, hitting Izaya precisely on the head. Izaya let out a cry of pain, twitching on the floor._

_"Bad Iza, doggy no talk."_

Izaya woke up, shivering in darkness. He didn't know how long he was here, but he felt incredibly lonely. He was hungry and cold and lonely. He didn't know will Seiji ever come back or will he leave Izaya to die in the basement. And if Seiji does come back, what will he do to him? Izaya was afraid of Seiji, but he was even more afraid of loneliness, of loneliness that was burning a hole in his being. Izaya wasn't used to loneliness. Izaya was bred to love and if there was no one there to accept that love…well then Izaya had no reason to live.

The door creaked open and Izaya's eyes looked up, both in fear and hope.

"M-master, you came back for me."

Seiji looked at him, at that miserable excuse for a human trapped in his basement. At that monster that ruined his life, taking the one he loved away from him. He knew that it was all Izaya's fault. He was disgusted by that filthy being that was sitting on the floor, looking happy as a puppy when he opened the door. Maybe he should just leave the monster there to die. Izaya would die in pain he knew…but he wanted to make him cry in pain himself. He wanted his revenge. He wanted to wipe that stupid smile off his face and make him unable to ever smile again.

He heated that smile. That trusting smile. And he heated those eyes. Those big innocent eyes that looked up at him with adoration. Izaya was something sick, unnatural and Seiji wanted it gone. Izaya had no right to live. Izaya had no right to love. And he is going to make sure that, that stays clear to puppy-eyed boy.

He heated him so much.

He stepped down into the basement inclosing on the older boy. Yes, Izaya was older and taller, but Seiji was stronger. All those years of being treated like Namie's prized little pet did took their tool and the older one, both physically and mentally.

And there was that other thing which put Seiji in advantage.

Izaya's breeding.

Izaya was not bred to fight back. Seiji was pretty sure that Izaya didn't even know that fighting back was an option. Izaya was bred without any feeling of hate, so that ensured safety for Seiji. Izaya is afraid of him, but Izaya won't do anything about it, because Izaya doesn't hate him. And Izaya doesn't hate him because Izaya can't hate. Seiji had the power. He had the power over Izaya's simple putted mind, for he was trained to obey.

But than…why did that stupid runt punch him on the cemetery. Could it be that Namie was trying to make Izaya develop some sort of defiance towards him? That won't do, that won't do at all. Izaya was bred to be a mindless dog and Seiji is going to make sure he stays that way. Dogs should know there place in this world and Izaya's place was at Seiji's feet.

Like a good dog.

Seiji crouched in front of Izaya glaring daggers at the older boy. Izaya shifted uncomfortably and looked down, aware of his bad behavior and aware of the fact that he is going to get punished for it.

"Who's been a bad dog?" Seiji asked.

"I have." Izaya admitted.

"Does a bad dog deserve a punishment?" Seiji asked.

"Yes, he does." Izaya agreed.

Seiji smiled grabbing a fistful of Izaya's hair and slamming his head into the brick wall. He proceeded with that until he felt bored of it, so he let go of Izaya and the boy fell forwards lingering at the edge of unconsciousness. Blood trailed down Izaya's head and tears escaped his eyes, but he made no move to run from the person that did this to him.

"Izaya, I think that you forgot your manners." Seiji smiled trailing a deep cut on Izaya's skull.

"I'm sorry, master. I'll never do it again." Izaya whimpered, his big red eyes set on Seiji.

"You better not or next time I won't be so kind." Seiji pulled on Izaya's hair making the boy quiver in pain.

"Master was very merciful towards Izaya." Izaya agreed.

Seiji smiled at Izaya's weak attempts. He realized why Namie liked Izaya so much. He would agree with everything you told him and be absolutely amazed by everything you did. In Izaya's mind there was nothing that his master could do wrong. If something wrong did happen then it was unquestionably and certainly Izaya's fault. He is going to enjoy torturing him senseless.

Seiji got up from his place, deciding that he had enough of torturing Izaya for now. He wasn't surprised when Izaya trailed behind him like a lost puppy, just like three days ago when he moved in the underground house. Unlike three days ago, Seiji didn't shut the basement door in Izaya's face but let him trail him into the main room.

"Go wash yourself; I don't want blood on my carpet." Seiji directed him towards the small bathroom that now belonged to Izaya and Izaya obediently retreated to wash himself off his own blood.

That bathroom was actually the only room he had for Izaya, since he felt disgusted by a though of sharing a bathroom with that sick runt. He decided that Izaya will just sleep down in the basement, since he didn't want to waist anymore money then he already has on that dog. Izaya should be grateful he even dignified him with a bathroom, since a thought of just adding a litter box to the basement did cross his mind. The rest of the house was quite luxurious, since his family was rich. No one in his family knew about this underground house, so no one will try to look for the little bastard here. And besides the house wasn't even built in Seiji's name, so there was no reason to it to be linked to him. He felt perfectly safe here.

When Izaya finally came out of the bathroom, Seiji was watching the news. He turned the TV off as Izaya came in and turned around in the couch.

"Come here, runt." He ordered and Izaya trailed his way toward, sitting down on the floor next to Seiji's feet.

Like a good dog.

He looked up at him and Seiji got a brilliant idea to dig those big eyes out. But then again, blood is so hard to remove from the carpet and even harder to explain to the dry cleaners so he gave up on that brilliant idea.

"I want to go home, master." Izaya tried weakly.

Seiji frowned slapping those eyes down and then pushing Izaya's head to the floor with his foot. Izaya's whimpered as his spine arched in sudden movement.

"Let's make this clear bastard. You are newer going home and you are newer seeing Namie or my uncle or anyone you know, ever again. I don't want you asking about them or about anything else. You are mine bastard now and I won't have you disobey me. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, master." Izaya whimpered as pain settled in his heart. He will never see Namie again? How will he survive without Namie?

Seiji smiled letting Izaya up again and the boy curled up next to his feet, sniffing silently. Seiji turned on the TV again, choosing to ignore his new pet for a while. He was glad when no reports about Izaya going missing came up on the news. How could they? For the entire world Izaya Orihara was dead and nobody knew that he lived with Yagiri family all this time. Looking for him through the news would only bring up unwanted questions.

Izaya's growling stomach snapped him out of those thoughts and he kicked the boy disapprovingly.

"Can't you be quiet, runt."

"I'm sorry, master." Izaya whimpered, but his stomach kept complaining.

Seiji groaned at the bother that was Izaya and got up, searching through his shelves, Izaya's apologetic and hungry eyes on him constantly. He grinned as he pulled out a can he bought just for such accession and taking out a bowl he called out to Izaya.

"Dog food for a dog, come here Izaya."

He was a bit surprised when Izaya actually got up and tamely moved next to him. He couldn't be that stupid right? He is sure to know what's coming next, right? Or was he even more idiotic then Seiji originally thought?

Izaya sat down looking at the slimy meat in the bowl and then back up at Seiji. There was no hatred or disgust in those eyes. Just sadness and pleading. That made Seiji mad and he grabbed Izaya's hair ducking him down into the slimy mess that was dog food.

"Eat, you bastard." He yelled out.

And sure enough Izaya ate, slowly yes, but he ate. He ate the slimy, rubbery food because he knew that he deserved all of this. He deserved all of the humiliation that Seiji threw his way. He deserved no mercy for he had disrespected his master and that was the worst crime of all. So he ate, he ate as salty tears crept down his face, he ate trying to redeem himself for his mistakes.

When he was finished, Seiji pulled his head up, stopping him from gagging. He watched those pain filled eyes, showing no mercy in his. He grinned at Izaya, showing him that he had no intentions o being merciful towards him. Izaya's tears silently fell on the floor as his gagging reflexes came to ease. Seiji knelt next to him and showed a bottle of water in his mouth making him drink it all down.

Finally, after letting go of that disgusting creature that he had in his possession, Seiji found himself surprised when Izaya curled up next to his chest, seeking comfort from the one who brought the pain to him. He didn't back away, not giving the bastard a satisfaction of looking him run, but he did slap him, showing him who's the master. He took a rag and wiped Izaya's mouth clean, so he wouldn't dirty his new shirt.

The he just sat there on the floor, having no idea what to do next. Izaya was gripping at him as if he was his life-line and that was really annoying.

"I hate you, you disgusting bastard." He hissed at the older one.

"I love you Seiji."

Seiji stopped in his tracks looking at Izaya in surprise. Izaya's eyes were closed in contempt as he lay on Seiji's chest. How could he…how could that little bastard say such a thing? He slapped Izaya away from himself hissing in rage. The boy looked up in shock, not knowing what he did wrong. Of course, how could he forget? This dog was bred to love and without Namie around he redirected that love to Seiji. How disgusting! He kicked Izaya in the stomach as his anger towards his captive bloomed. Izaya whimpered going back, his face still turned to Seiji.

"Master, what did I do?" he wailed out as another kick set him down on his back.

Now trapped under Seiji's weight his tearful eyes looked up at his abuser. Izaya was terrified for he did not know what he did wrong or what to do to make it right. Seiji growled in rage as he lifted his leg and brought it back on Izaya again and again and again. Izaya cried out in pain as his lungs begged for air that Seiji pumped out of him. Seiji grabbed Izaya's hair and shook him around yelling a stream of curses in his ears as he made the boy's head hit the floor repeatedly.

Seiji laughed madly at the pathetic sight in front of his eyes as he finally let go of the boy. A crazy, sick idea was born in his mind that second and he laughed in delight as his angered mind agreed that that would indeed be appropriate punishment for the older one. He leaned closer to the terrified raven whispering to him.

"You love me, huh bastard?"

And Izaya could not go against his training as his mind obediently formed the words; "Of course, master."

"Good, then you should enjoy this." Seiji said in sickly sweet tone as he trailed his hand down and to Izaya's pants.

Before Izaya could even blink Seiji took off his pants laughing like a manic and was in process of taking off his own. Izaya whined in horror and started backing away. He wasn't sure what Seiji was trying to do, but his instinct told him that it's not going to be good.

Seiji's eyes gleamed in lust as he jumped on Izaya like a hungry cat, trapping him in place. He enjoyed that look of utter fright and helplessness that echoed through Izaya's eyes and he laughed once more for he guessed what the matter is.

"What's wrong Izaya, I though you loved me."

Izaya has never been taught anything about sex; their uncle thought it was dangerous since he was designed as a pet for a girl. And once again Izaya's trained brain worked against him.

"Of course I do, master."

"And you would let me do anything I want to you, right, like a good little dog?"

Izaya gulped, looking at Seiji's erection. And once gain he automatically responded.

"Whatever you want, master."

And with that been said, Seiji grinned wider and violently entered Izaya. Izaya screamed out in response, but Seiji just pushed in harder, licking his lips in mad satisfaction as he trusted into his pet. Izaya felt so good around him, as his tight warm walls clenched around Seiji. This was the outlet he needed, a way to let his frustrations out. It felt so good, so right as he managed to find Izaya's prostate and devilishly and mercilessly hit it again and again and again.

Izaya screamed every single time, but he dared not to move away, as his terrified eyes searched for his master's. Every thought was chased out of his mind as blinding pain arched through his spine, leaving him unaware of anything but Seiji and Seiji's cock that violently molested his insides. He shook in fear at the look of madness in Seiji's eyes as he whimpered for him to stop, but Seiji just slapped him and growled like an animal searching for more.

Izaya arched in surprise as his own cock was grabbed by Seiji and squished in his fist. Seiji's other hand grabbed Izaya's hip and pulled the crying boy closer as he moved in him violently. He grinned as blood started oozing out of Izaya's entrance and he trailed one of his fingers in the red river. He showed that finger to Izaya, looking at those wet, helpless eyes that begged for him to stop.

"Not so innocent anymore, bastard. Your mother should be proud, you carrying on family business." He laughed like a jackal as he trailed the blood around Izaya's lips.

Izaya cried out in pain as Seiji continued pumping his cock. His eyes went wide as he started feeling small traces of pleasure in the sea of pain.

"Such a slut, Izaya, look how much you're enjoying this." Seiji cackled at Izaya's rising erection.

With one last violent trust and one last merciless pump, they both came hard. Izaya's eyes went wide at the unknown feeling as something warm started spreading inside him as something equally warm and sticky started spreading on him.

Seiji cackled one more time as he pushed himself out of Izaya and went to clean himself, leaving the shocked boy behind.

**Author's notes:…..I know, I know. Imp is going to sit here now and feel very ashamed for what she did. **

**Plot bunny: Because it sucked?**

**Me: Well that too.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Yeeeeeeah, no.**

Seiji hummed softly as he pulled his shirt of after the shower. Who knew that it was so easy to get rid of all that stress just by plunging it into Izaya. He really should do this more often, but next time, he will gag the bastard. Those screams were really annoying and of putting.

_"Seiji~"_

Seiji lifted his head confused by the flowing sound of his name. Was that…Izaya? How? That bastard was pretty much done for the day when he left him; there is no way that he can bounce back so quickly.

_"Seiji~"_

But that was definitely Izaya's voice. Sort of. It seemed completely of, a little demented too.

There was a creepy chuckle from outside the bathroom door and Seiji felt his blood run cold. He actually felt hairs on the back of his neck stand up. What was going on? Was that really Izaya? What in hell was he doing? The deep throated chuckle came from the outside again and Seiji froze at Izaya's words slipping to him like snakes.

_"Oh Seiji, come out to play~"_

"Izaya? What are you jabbering on about you bastard?"

_"Seiji, come on out, Seiji~"_

Izaya's voice was high and full of humor, it almost sounded like he was singing some funny little song. Except that his tone of voice was also very spine-chilling. This did not sound good to Seiji. He had no idea what's wrong with the mutt, but he prepared for the worst. This is exactly the reason he held a gun in every room. He took out his gun out of the bathroom closet and carefully creaked the door open; ready to shoot Izaya the second that something seems off.

Izaya was nowhere to be seen and the creepy calling was no more.

"Izaya, where are you? You better come here and not make me look for you." He yelled out.

Suddenly something came up from behind him and pushed him to the floor, expertly taking his gun away. As that something turned Seiji on his back and plopped on his stomach, Seiji realized that it was Izaya. Izaya grinned at him widely, a face unfit for someone who was raped just fifteen minutes ago. Izaya's pants were just barely pulled up, not even zipped, like he completely forgot about that once he got up. Seiji felt something wet press against his chest and with disgust realized that blood and cum were soaking through Izaya's pants.

_"Master called, Izaya came, now we get to play, to play~"_ Izaya sung like a little child.

"Get off of me you bastard." Seiji growled, trying to get up.

_"Izaya doesn't think so~" _Izaya's eyes turned to slits and Seiji realized something frightening. Izaya's eyes were red. Not dull red bordering brown, that Izaya normally wore. No, this was crazy, blood red color of Saika. Seiji was in trouble; _"Izaya thinks he'll stay riiiight here~"_

Seiji's eyes flashed widely in fear as Izaya bounced up a knife from his pocket. He giggled like a child with a new toy as he played with it right above Seiji.

_"Look what Izaya found, master. Shiny, sharpie, thingy~"_ Izaya giggled once again, letting out a happy _whoop_ when Seiji tried to push him off of him.

"Izaya get off!" Seiji yelled, wondering how in hell is the skinner teen still keeping him down.

_"Nu-uh, Izaya want to play~"_ Izaya cheered, giggling happily like a two year old with a lollipop.

" .Now! That's an order!" Seiji yelled grabbing Izaya's hand.

To his surprise Izaya's expression changed from that of a child to that of a rather calculated man. With a knife. And he quickly moved up on Seiji, trapping Seiji's hands under his knees. He swayed the knife threateningly above Seiji's neck as he spoke in quiet, dazed manner.

_"Order? Master gave a lot orders to Izaya. Yes he did. Hurtful orders hurt Izaya. Izaya cried…"_

"Why should I care, you brat, your nothing but a slave. Now obey your orders and get off of me before I kill you." Seiji's eruption did not faze Izaya.

_"Izaya cried a lot, because master did not love Izaya. Izaya was sad. Master did cruel things to Izaya. Master laughed at Izaya's pain. Master was cruel."_

"You little piece of…"

_"Was it fun master; was it fun to hurt Izaya? Was it fun making him humiliate himself? Master locked Izaya out of the house, Izaya caught the flu, master made Izaya eat dirt, Izaya was throwing up all day. Master was cruel and Izaya cried…he cried because Izaya did not know how to make master love him…Izaya just wanted for master to love him, that's all."_

Izaya looked at him with eyes filled with sadness and Seiji's eyes pierced him back with anger, he just wanted this freak show off of him, so he can pummel his brains out.

_"Why couldn't you love Izaya, master? Izaya loved you, Izaya did everything for you. Everything you asked, no matter how much it hurt, Izaya did it. Izaya was a loyal pet. Yes he was, Izaya was good. Why couldn't master love Izaya?"_

"Because you are a brainless freak that took my only love away from me! I don't care what you say, you can never replace her!"

_"You never entered Her, did you, Izaya is better."_ Izaya's grin went up ten volts at the realization; _"Master loved Izaya so much it hurt. Master loved Izaya till Izaya bleed. Master never did that to Her, so master loves Izaya better. Master loved Izaya with his body."_

"Shut your sick mouth already, I didn't do that because I love you, you idiot. I did that out of anger, I raped you, can't you figure it out. And you can never even come close to my love for her, you sick bastard!" Seiji yelled angrily, trying to kick Izaya off.

Izaya tilted his head eyeing struggling Seiji questioningly. He know not what the word _rape_ meant, all he knew is that master did something to him and that it hurt a lot. But he also knew that there were spots of pleasure in that pain, and pleasure meant love. So for Izaya, Seiji simply loved him with his body, a little rough, sure, but Izaya wasn't used to that kind of love so it was really his fault for not knowing how to adjust. But that didn't matter now. His master loved him; his master finally loved him in his own unique way. So it hurt a little, that was okay, it was the thought that counted.

_"Master finally loves Izaya~"_ he cooed in joy.

"No I don't. I'll sooner die then love you, you little faggot!" Seiji spat out.

Izaya's expression turned grave as he turned to Seiji;_ "Master…doesn't love Izaya?"_

"Of course I don't you disgusting brat!"

_"Then Izaya will do as ordered…"_

"Finally." Seiji gasped in relief, waiting for Izaya to get off.

_"…and kill master…so master doesn't have to love Izaya."_

Seiji's eyes went wide in fear as Izaya lifted up the knife. Izaya's eyes were full of sadness; sadness caused by unreturned love for his master. Seiji struggle to get away but Izaya pressed the knife against his throat and smiled sadly.

"Izaya, stop that now. Izaya get off. Don't do that."

_"Goodbye master, Izaya will miss you."_ Izaya gave him another small smile, passing his hand through Seiji's hair in comforting motion.

Then he plunged the knife deep in Seiji's throat. Seiji's scream turned into a muffling gurgle as blood sprayed up staining Izaya's face with warm, red liquid. Izaya, fascinated by the flow and the dying, gurgling sound, pulled the knife down reaching Seiji's chest. He cut through his shirt, removing it off and sat there in thought for a second, before he raised knife up again and with maniacal laugh started piercing Seiji's chest, wanting to slash out through his lungs. He laughed in glee as warm droplets coated his hands and he massacred Seiji's still warm body.

Once when he finally stopped, gasping for air as blood dripped from his hands, he observed Seiji's still body, that unmoving figure that loomed in his nightmares for so long. Seiji's face was cut through and he pierced his eyes and now he watched with fascination as goop and blood trickled down Seiji's face. Izaya tilted his head observing Seiji's throat and chest where the bones were exposed and pierced through lungs hanged down like pooped balloons.

Izaya yawned and rubbed his eyes for it's been an eventful day for him. He was tired and his eyes were heavy, ready to fall asleep as soon as he laid down. He curled up next to Seiji, not minding the trickling blood. He sight in content as he dug his face into Seiji's shoulder and breathed slowly, just watching his master like that for a while. Seiji looked funny like that, he did really, look of surprise, that his pet turned on him, frozen on his face, but Izaya thought that Seiji looked peaceful. Seiji would finally be able to rest from this world.

_"Goodnight, master~"_ Izaya whispered, before falling into firm sleep next to Seiji's corpse.

He slept peacefully, tired out by the day, not noticing anything around him. He did not notice when Seiji's body went completely cold, expect from that little heat that it gained from Izaya, he did not notice when a few ants started climbing on Seiji, attracted by the smell of blood and he did not notice when the police broke in, with Namie's uncle in tow.

He didn't even noticed when they carried him out on a stretcher, for he was sleeping peacefully, a sleep of a just man.

Namie dismissed the hired police officers who were trained specially for this sort of undercover work, since real police was dangerous to turn to. The "police officer" carried Seiji's body into the van, next to sleeping Izaya.

Seitarou Yagiri, completely shaken by the sight, sat next to the boy as they drove of and left sleeping Izaya in the laboratory with Dr. Kishitani. He did not know how he will break the news to his niece as he drove back home. He climbed to her bedroom and knocked on the door. Namie was still recovering from her injuries but was well on the road to recovery. She demanded to be a part of the search and trailed Seiji using the internet from her room. She was the one who found Seiji's underground house by tracking Seiji's money spending on his bank account.

Finding this out will break her heart.

"Come in."

He came to find her reading a mystery novel. She smiled up at him, even though they were in endless feud just a couple of months ago. Now he was here to save Izaya and that was all it mattered.

"Did you find him? Is he okay?" Questions seeped out of her mouth.

"Yes, we found him." He sat down, not answering to her other question.

She noticed this. She's such a bright girl. Always was.

"Uncle, is he okay." She reached out to him, worry in her eyes.

"Namie…how much do you want to keep Izaya?" he asked, sadness tugging at his throat. He never wanted to ask this question.

She twitched in surprise; "What do you mean uncle, what happened."

He sighed, putting and arm on her shoulder and looking straight to her eyes, like he did when she was a little girl and he would have to tell something that she wouldn't like to her.

"We are not entirely sure what's wrong Namie, Shingen is checking it as we speak. But we have our suspicions. And if those confirm to be true, I won't let you keep Izaya any more, it would be too dangerous for you."

Her eyes went wide and her fist clenched; "What do you mean uncle."

He sighed; ready to tell her the worst news of all: "If what we think happened, happened…we will have no choice but to put Izaya down."

**Author's notes: So a little shorter this time, but that's okay…because I updated fast…that's okay, right? And just so we are all on the same page, put down is a synonym to kill an animal…poor Izaya, I just won't throw him a bone. Maybe I'll throw him a bone if you throw me one in shape of a review.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own every duck in this universe and you shall not deny that! Okay I don't L DRRR to whoever and ducks to God.**

Namie sighed as she walked through solemn halls of Yagiri pharmaceuticals. It has been three months since Dr. Kishitani confirmed their doubts about Izaya's consciousness being invaded by Saika. Her uncle wanted to put Izaya down, to kill the boy. The project was a failure, Izaya's mind was being enveloped in Saika's thoughts more and more and he was labeled dangerous.

Izaya was no longer Izaya anymore.

Namie refused to believe this. She refused to give up on him, even though they gave it no hope. Izaya was always there for her, now was her time to return the favor. She isn't going to allow them to just shut him down like a broken machine. He was a human being, he deserved a second chance. She was not going to just let him go. She was too used to him, even since she was seven Izaya was always and constantly there, by her side. She could not imagine how life would be without his comforting presence.

And that's how she once again found her self in front of the one-sided mirror that looked into Izaya's "room". It was a padded cell more then a room and she knew that he was desperately lonely in there. They gave him medication that stopped him from collapsing from lack of human contact, but that wasn't the real thing. Izaya was lonely and Izaya was sad. She just wanted to go in there and comfort him, but she couldn't. He was still dangerous and her uncle, who was barely convinced to keep the boy alive, absolutely forbidden any contact between the two of them.

They already lost Seiji to Izaya's "love". Her uncle was just looking out for her she knew.

She was sad when she found out that Seiji is dead. No matter what he did, he was still her brother and she still loved him. However her sadness turned to anger when she found out that Seiji was the reason that Izaya was this way. She still cried, but this time both with sadness and anger.

Seiji practically committed suicide, the doctors said.

Izaya's brain was not able to comprehend the torture that Seiji put him through and Izaya just...cracked. He couldn't handle it anymore, it was all too traumatic for him, and he allowed Saika to take over. And Saika had her own way of showing Izaya's never-ending love for the one that tortured him. The problem was that Izaya couldn't stop Saika overflowing his mind.

Only rarely did he still act like his old self.

Namie sighed, putting her hand on the glass, watching the boy curled up in the padded room. His eyes meet hers and she knew that he knew she was there. It was Izaya's thing, he had no way of knowing, but he knew. He couldn't see her, for the glass was one sided, but he felt her there. His eyes meekly looked at her, lying there on the floor, all wrapped up in the straitjacket. His eyes shined with just a bit more red then it was normal. He was calmer today. Maybe all those medications will work after all.

She never wanted to see him like this. Confined in a small space, trapped like some dangerous animal. Those meek, innocent eyes did not belong behind those walls. Izaya was always uncomfortable with these kinds of situations; he never liked to go to the doctors for he felt uneasy near the needles too. It was all normal for one of her uncle's experiments, and she usually didn't care. But this was Izaya, he was different. He was just so...helpless. Izaya was too dependable on others to actually be considered a threat. But her uncle obviously didn't think so.

"We are doing the best we can Namie, but chances of bringing him back are minimal."

Well speak of the devil and there he is.

"Uncle, I can't stand looking at him like that. You're just torturing him more. I need to go in, to show him that he will be okay." She contradicted.

"I won't allow that Namie, it's too dangerous."

"What can he do to me? He is in a straitjacket! He can't even move! Besides uncle, he is doing much better today. He needs some real kindness and not just that liquid you needle him with."

She looked at her uncle, eyes blazing with determination. He sighed, knowing that she is right. Some actual psychical contact will be good for the boy. She was a smart girl, she was. She is going to be a brilliant scientist one day. But still, he did not like a thought of sending her in there.

"Uncle, I'm going."

He sighed and chuckled, patting her shoulder.

"Yeah, I know you are."

-With Izaya-

Izaya was lonely. Izaya was so very lonely. He woke up in this weird room, not completely knowing what's going on. All he saw was grey and red and it scared him. Some people came in and they acted as if he is going to attack them. But Izaya wouldn't attack anyone...would he?

The blood on his hands told him that he, in fact, already did attack someone.

The people washed the blood away, but he could still feel the sticky liquid creeping up his arms. They dressed him in jacket in which he couldn't move his arms and left him in that room. Then Dr. Kishitani came.

And told him everything.

And Izaya remembered, he remembered when something in him killed Seiji and how happy he was when Seiji died. He felt disgusted with himself and afraid, afraid because he still felt that something that wanted to kill more. It wanted to show everyone how much Izaya loved them...but it wanted to do it in a sick twisted way that Izaya didn't agree on.

Sometimes that something, that he found out was Saika, would completely take over. He would try to get out and he saw the world in grey, his targets painted red. He screamed and kicked and shouted and tore, trying everything he could to get out of the jacket that constricted him and his movements. Eventually somebody would come and give him a sedative so he can fall asleep.

They gave him a lot of medicines and poked him with a lot of needles. Izaya never liked those, but he wanted to get better, he wanted that thing out off him. So he did not complain. They ran various tests on him, none of which he understood. They took out his blood and looked into his brain with special machines and he would stand still, if he could. If the Saika wasn't in control. The problem was that Saika was usually in control. And she didn't want to let go of him.

Everybody was afraid of him hurting them, and Izaya was starting to get depressed. He craved human contact and he would always found himself on the verge of tears when whoever it was that feed him, gave him that scared look. Like Izaya is going to bite their hand off or something. Izaya never wanted to hurt anyone. He just couldn't control Saika.

Saika started possessing him more and more every day and he was afraid that one day he, the real Izaya, will just get eaten away by Saika. He was scared, he didn't want to hurt anyone, he never wanted to hurt anyone.

And then the medications started working.

Saika's taking-over's were becoming a rare thing of the week. He had more control over himself and he was glad. But next time Saika came, she only struggled harder to win over his brain and managed to rule over him for four day straight before medications finally brought her down once again.

Yes he was getting better, but he wasn't cured yet.

He knew that Namie visited him, but that she wasn't allowed to see him. He never saw her, but he could sense her behind that mirror he knew was a window. Sometimes he would try and smile for her. Tell her not to worry about him, that he is okay. That he will be back and by her side in no time. But he couldn't. He would fail every time and the smile would fall down on his lips. He hoped that Namie never saw any of his "episodes".

He curled up farther into the corner when he felt that she left. He missed her, he missed her so much. He was tired of these grey walls and he wanted out, but at the same time he knew that that could be dangerous for others.

He didn't want to hurt anybody else.

-Back with Namie-

She gripped the doorknob to Izaya's room, a distress button safely tucked in her pocket. Just in case, her uncle said. She took a deep breath, readying herself for whatever might happen as she turned the knob and walked into the softly padded room. Izaya's head bounced up immediately and she knew that this was a good idea as soon as she saw a smile on his face. First smile in three months. His eyes lit up like child's on Christmas and he struggled to move closer to her. She smiled back at him; he looked absolutely delighted by her presence. If Izaya was a puppy, she knew that his tail would be wagging itself off right now. Izaya was a people pleaser.

"Namie!" he yipped out, failing at bringing himself up in all of the excitement.

She smiled and knelt next to him, feeling the familiar warmth in her chest as he nested his head in her lap. He sighed in content, his frantic breathing slowing down so he can enjoy in every bit of her scent. She smiled at him bringing him closer, not wanting to let go. He practically curled up in her lap, his eyes closed in pure bliss, for he was attention starved for so long. She passed her fingers through his hair when he finally settled down. His head rested on her shoulder, as he curled up like a small child.

"I'm so sorry Namie." He whispered and she felt wet tears soak her shirt.

"It's okay Izaya. Everything is going to be okay." She hushed him down.

"Really?" he hiccupped.

"I'm not giving up on you." She passed her hand along his back, rubbing circles along the way.

"Why am I a monster?"

"You're not a monster, Izaya. Come one let me have a look at you."

She propped the boy straight so she could see him better. This entire time he's been curled up in that corner, so she never got a good look at him. He was paler the before, his skin deprived from sun. He was a bit thinner then before and he had bags under his eyes. His hair was messy and it lost its original shine and softness. Other then that he looked okay and she knew that most of that were just side effects of being deprived of affection for so long.

He smiled at her. That innocent, childish smile looked wrong on his tired out face. She passed her hand through his hair, tugging him closer to her chest again. He nested there, next to her heart and she silently hummed to him like she did when they were just children. He was still Izaya, he was still her Izaya. He was still that same boy that loyally waited for her no matter where she went, that boy that begged her to show him how to do math and science and chemistry and everything else he wanted to know. He was still that innocent child that she would read to at night, when he would curl up next to Seiji and at least a dozen of stuff animals and she would play their mother.

Izaya never stopped loving her that way.

Looking at her with those eyes.

Eyes so childlike that you would never guess that he was not a child anymore.

No he was not a child but he was not and teenager or an adult either.

Saika gave him love, but took away his ability to grow mentally.

And was that a bad thing?

She thought not, for she did not want Izaya to change. She did not want him to lose that innocence in his eyes, that childish smile, the ability to be amazed by simple things, that ability to love as purely as he did.

She was selfish, she realized.

For she wanted that boy all for herself. She didn't want to share him with anybody else. He was hers. He was. He was made for her, so he was hers. She is the only one who can protect him from the outside world that hurt him so. She hugged the boy, who slept in her lap now; she hugged that child that will always be a child. She hugged him, never to let him go.

He was hers.

Her Izaya, her little boy, her doll, her pet...her love.

**Authors notes: WoW...Namie surprised me to, no kidding, she wrote that not me...well this is getting interesting. Thank you for your kind notice on sickness of our mind EashaChan~ been time somebody noticed. And don't worry lovelies I won't kill Izaya...yet! Dun dun duuuuun **

**Question 1: How do you spell a proper dun dun dun, is the last one dunnnnnn or duuuuuuuuuun? **

**Question 2: Why did I ask you that stupid question?**

**Question 3: Won't you please review~? **

**Question 4: How do you combine this ~ and a sign to stop the sentence like a question mark without making it look weird? Becouse this: ~? Looks weird. And like a nose with a mustache, too...**

**Question 5: Why am I still asking you stupid questions?**

**You know you don't need to answer on any of those (cough question4wouldbeuseful cough) just please review and tell me what you think of the story~**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Still waiting…..**

Izaya slept in her lap, his soft breaths comfortingly brushing against her skin. She brushed his hair off his forehead watching his peaceful face. She will protect him, Namie decided; she will protect him no matter what. She'll never let anything like this happen to him again. She kissed his forehead, like mother does to a child, and laid him back down. He whimpered, his eyes blinking open at the missing warmth and comfort of her body next to his.

"Namie?"

"Shhh, sleep now Izaya. Everything is going to be okay." She hushed him, passing her hand through his hair.

He nodded slowly, his eyes overcome by sleep and he curled up on the floor, falling back into his dreams. She smiled softly at him, passing her fingers around his face. He smiled in his sleep, enjoying her gentle touch.

"Don't worry Izaya, I'm going to cure you from that monster." She whispered leaving the room.

Her uncle was standing outside, looking through the one-way window. He smiled at her sadly.

"It's not going to be easy to save him, Namie. He may seem alright now, but the tests show that Saika's influence is only building up in his brain, getting ready for the next outburst."

"There must be some way." She scowled, watching the seemingly peaceful, sleeping boy.

"I hate to bring this option up, but Saika can't influence someone without emotions."

"You want to turn him into a real doll."

"It would be the easiest possible solution. Of course with that he loses all of his humanity. It's your choice Namie. Do you want a dog with rabies or an emotionless doll?"

She closed her eyes thinking hard. She didn't want a potential dangerous being around her, but that was Izaya. Izaya would never hurt her. He was way too loyal. Way too loving. Way too…Izaya. He would never hurt her.

Just like he would never hurt Seiji?

Namie had to think this from scientific view. Even if it was Izaya, it was dangerous to have a Saika controlled pet wandering around the house, so they had to heal him from that for sure. On the other hand an idea of emotionless Izaya didn't strike her tempting at all. The whole reason she liked Izaya was because, unlike the rest of her dolls, he had emotions. Izaya would smile and laugh, be happy and hyper, but also frightened and sad and ashamed and somber. None of the other dolls were ever like that and Izaya would just become one of her old dolls if he became dull and emotionless. She would maybe play with him a little, but lose interest soon, sooner then before even, for she was not a child anymore. And when she would lose interest she would have to go and dispose of Izaya. She wasn't sure how would she manage to do that at all.

All in all, neither of the options compelled to her.

"Isn't there any other way?" she asked.

"We could try to get all of the Saika out of him, but that would make him able to grow mentally and I don't know how loyal would he stay."

"Do it."

"Are you sure Namie. The procedure would be quite long and painful for him. Saika is the central part of his mind."

"I don't care. Do it. Izaya is mine and I want him back. If he gets any ideas about disobeying me, we'll just have to reeducate him."

With that she walked of, leaving her uncle to wonder what would have been if he never took the boy in the first place. Would their lives be better, would Seiji still be alive, would his niece still be as heartless and as controlling as she is? What would Izaya be right now? Would he be the sweet and innocent creature they trained him to be, or would he be something completely different? He sighed, knowing that he will never know and calling up on the doctors to set up new experiments to help to extract Saika out of Izaya.

-Three months later-

Sickening screams resonated in small laboratory. It was dark and poorly lit, smell of blood lingered in the air. Small male was shackled on the table in the laboratory, his chest bare and bleeding as he screamed out in pain.

"Now, now Izaya, it's almost over, just hold on a bit more." Shingen Kishitani said digging the knife further into the boy's pale flesh.

Izaya screamed out lauder, trying to instinctively kick away but restrained by the shackles. The doctor left the knife and took a large empty syringe sticking it into the open chest.

"Stop it, please, it hurts!" Izaya cried out, his voice raspy from all the screaming.

Shingen ignored the boy pulling madly red fluid out of him. It was not blood, for this fluid was brighter and more ghastly. It was Saika's essence. Izaya gasped, trying to get enough air into his lungs. Dr. Kishitani was doing this for months, taking out Saika bit by bit out of him. Usually he was sedated during the procedure but the few last ones were not spent in blessing of the unconsciousness but in cold and painful reality. Dr. Kishitani said that Izaya needed to be compliantly awake for the last few treatments so all of the spare Saika essence would come out with stress and adrenalin, because those were the feelings that triggered it most.

Finally the syringe dug in and out of his flesh for the last time and Izaya relaxed on the table, panting quickly, his eyes wildly traveling around the room.

"That should be all from your body, Izaya. However we should start on you're brain immediately and without sedatives, since if we leave it be, it'll just spread more essence through you and we will have to start again. Now that I think about it, maybe I was supposed to start with the brain in the first place. Oh silly me, well I couldn't just pass up an opportunity of dissecting someone as you, couldn't I. I'm sure you understand." The doctor chuckled.

Izaya's eyes went wide as he started to struggle, refusing to have the doctor pick around his brain with no sedatives. He screamed out again as Shingen took a knife back in his hands and turned to him. Izaya couldn't see his face because of the gas mask, but he was sure that the doctor was grinning.

"No more, please, no more!" he screamed as ripping pain attacked his tortured throat.

Shingen paid no mind to the boy's pleas as he trailed the knife around his head. He felt maniacal happiness arise in his chest as blood started dripping from the wound. Izaya's tears made their way down his face as he sobbed in helplessness of the situation. Shingen hummed to himself happily, his hums immixing with Izaya's screams and sobs into a haunting melody that echoed in the dim research room.

-Time skip-

Shingen sat at his table, finishing all of the research papers and notes from that days experiment. The boy was patched up and sleeping on the table his head and chest covered in bandages. The boy was not shackled anymore since Shingen was going to move him back to his room as soon as he is done with the paper work. Izaya's chest were slowly rising and falling in pain filled motion as he whimpered in his sleep.

Shingen sighed as he glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing three a.m and he needed to head home, he was getting up early the next day. He shuffled through the papers one more time, to make sure that everything was in place and got up to leave.

That's when the sharp, cold blade of the scalper pressed against his throat.

_"Your not just going to leave me here all alone, are you sir?"_

Shingen froze at the whispering voice that chuckled behind him. That was impossible, he removed all the Saika. Izaya couldn't still be possessed by it. Unless…

_"You hurt Izaya a lot, sir. Izaya cried a lot. He begged you to stop, but you wouldn't."_

…he didn't kill the core.

"Let go of me Saika and let go of the boy too. You are not needed in his body anymore. You're not wanted here."

_"Oh~? What a smart boy you are, sir! Figuring us all out. Such a smart boy, but it's to be expected from the doctor I guess."_ Saika in Izaya's voice chuckled.

"Leave the boy alone, he doesn't want this. You're turning him into a monster."

_"Oh, am I? Am I really? You're the one who let me enter the boy in the first place; it's your fault that I'm here. You wanted to make a toy out of him. Are you happy now? He is a toy. My toy. My marionette! I'm the only one that actually loves him; I am the only one that cares for him. Everybody else is just using him…"_

"You are using him right now!" Shingen yelled, but Saika paid no attention.

_"…I'm going to help him create a family. His own loving little family that will care for him and love him, because I will tell them to do so. Poor boy needs love. And so do I~"_

"If you just wanted to possess people then why did you kill Seiji?"

Saika hissed and the scalper dug dipper into Shingen's neck as Izaya's other hand, controlled by Saika, wrapped around Shingens waist. Izaya dug his head between Shingens shoulder blades as his hushed voice filled the room.

_"It was my first time controlling the boy. The boy was scared, terrified and I lost control because of his fear. I never meant to kill the other boy, just…make him more suitable for Izaya's new family."_

"Izaya if you can hear me, fight it. Saika is not strong enough to keep possession of you if you fight it."

Saika cackled;_ "It's no use, that boy is way too submissive. But you should know that, you are the one who taught him that. Poor boy, treated like some kind of experiment, all he wanted is to be loved."_

"Saika that's enough!"

_"Oh, no. It's not enough. It's just beginning. Too bad you won't be here to see it, but you know way too much."_

Shingen paled at the treat; "Don't do this Saika, I have a son at home."

Saika cackled again;_ "A real one or just one of your experiments? It doesn't matter I think it's hard that he'll miss you."_

"What do you_gargh_!"

Saika forced the knife deep into Shingens throat, chuckling happily as he gurgled in deathly struggle;_ "Not so fun when it's done to you, huh! You loved doing it to Izaya, you loved dissecting the poor boy! Do you know how much he cried, do you?! You are the monster not us!"_

Shingen fell to the floor, cold and unmoving and Saika chuckled for the last time, kicking his body slightly to make sure he is done with. Izaya looked up, his brownish red eyes replaced by a maddening red of Saika. He chuckled passing his finger along the blade in his hand.

Izaya moved silently like a shadow, slipping through the empty research facility that held him captive for six long months. He didn't get to see Namie at all in these last three months. It hurt him. He missed Namie, so he decided to go look for her. She will be so happy when she sees him again.

_-That's right- _sung Saika in his mind –_go find the girl. I'll make her yours forever, go find the girl Izaya. She loves you, she wants you to find her, to find her and let me slash her-_

Izaya slipped out and into the hungry darkness of the outside world. He didn't completely understand Saika and her logic, but he was never the one to question orders. And if Saika says that this will make Namie happy then he was all into it. He observed the big city before him and he felt a nervousness sticking to his throat. This was no small city. It was huge and loud and thousands of humans rushed through it, like ants in the anthill. It will be no easy task to locate Namie here. Sure he could still sense her, but all the noises and smells and sights messed with his feelings of orientation.

He was afraid of getting lost in that huge mash of life.

_-Don't be afraid my dear. You'll find her. Though it might take a bit longer than I originally expected…-_

Izaya gulped a bit, unused to going into crowded places alone. But he needed to find Namie, it shouldn't be too hard. She has to be there someplace. He sighed and started to make his way down the street and through the buzzing city. Only few hours later did he realize that he was completely and hopelessly lost.

**Author's notes: Okay so this is all a mess right now. Namie can't decide is she a good guy (excuse me; girl) or a bad one, Saika is going all over the place killing people and Izaya is just sitting there (being adorable) and doing nothing! **

**Also I'll blab about Shinra now: Does anyone know who his mother is? Anyone? No? Thought so! You know I have no idea what kind of women would get married (Maybe his parents are divorced) to Shingen. I mean the guy steals dullahan heads and dissects people for living, who in the right mind would marry/have children with him!? That's why a funny little thought came to my mind; What if Shinra isn't actually Shingens child but his "mini me" clone that he made because he needed someone small enough to crawl in peoples vents and do…wtw he needed to do. I know it's a stupid theory, but can you imagine the sheer awkwardness for Celty if she found out that she was dating Shingens clone? **

**LoL please review the story~ I want to know what you think about Izaya's little act outs!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Who? Moi? Noooooo!**

The sun rose above the streets of Ikebukuro introducing the city to a new day. Shizuo Heiwajima was taking a morning stroll trying his best to relax. He lost his job yesterday...again, and he was desperately in a need of a time off. Over the years he learned to control his temper much better then when he was a child, but there were still some things that pissed him off.* A drunk man tossing a glass in his direction was one of those things. He sighed rubbing his forehead. He has to relax; it won't do him any good if he is under stress.

He walked through the streets with a soul purpose of releasing as much energy as he could in the morning so he would be calmer when he goes looking for another job. He turned around the corner and into a small isolated street that was a shortcut to the park, where he was subconsciously going.

And there he saw him.

Tucked between old crates, that were scattered around the alley, slept a small raven headed boy. Shizuo's fist instinct was to just ignore him, since he was probably just some drug addict or a drunk. But then he spotted the bandages around raven's head and torso. That certainly got his attention. He was pretty sure that when someone is hurt they shouldn't just sleep randomly in the alley. That's why he kneeled in front of the smaller male and gently shook him to wake him up.

"Oi, wake up. You shouldn't be sleeping here with those injuries."

"Whaaa….?"

Ravens eyes blinked open, his expression that of an utter confusion. Shizuo with a shock realized that the raven had almost red eyes. It was…creepy to say at least. The raven blinked at him still confused and unfocused and Shizuo realized that the other male had no idea who he is. Well it didn't matter anywise.

"Who are you?" the raven chimed.

"Uh, Shizuo Heiwajima. You really shouldn't be sleeping here. It's dangerous." Shizuo was confused by raven's relaxed expression, like there was nothing dangerous or strange about sleeping in an alleyway.

"My name is Izaya!" the raven chimed again, and Shizuo had to wonder did he even hear the warning.

"Umm, that's nice. Why are you sleeping here? Shouldn't you be home if you are hurt?"

Izaya's face grew somber suddenly and his gaze dropt down on the ground. His shoulders shook a little as if he was a small child holding back the tears, trying to stay strong.

"I'm lost." He sniffed out, lifting his head to look at Shizuo, his eyes full of tears; "I can't find Namie!" Izaya squeaked out.

Before Shizuo could even think of a reply, he found himself in the arms of a small raven head who spilled, well pretty much a whole damn river of tears, on his shirt. Shizuo just stood there, blinking uneasily at the sight, not really sure what to do. He was never really good with emotions or consoling or anything like that, so he found himself awkwardly patting brunets back as the smaller one clung to him like he was his life line.

"Umm, it's going to be okay…Izaya, everything is going to be okay…"

"I can't find Namie, I lost her, and she hates me now…"

"…now there…"

"…and now I'm all alone here and I'm gona die, and I can't find Namie…"

"…don't you think you're being a bit dramatic…?"

"…I don't want to die without Namie…"

"…damn it your not gona die! And I'll find this Namie okay, just shut up!"

Shizuo couldn't believe his eyes when raven squeaked in excitement hugging him tighter, babbling out a thousand and one "thank you" as he pretty much choked the blond to death.

"Izaya, let go of me!"

"Sorry!" Izaya squeaked again, unwrapping himself from Shizuo faster then was humanly possible; "Are you really going to help me find Namie?"

Shizuo sighed at the promise made in sheer need to get Izaya to stop talking. But Shizuo was a man of his word and even if he got himself into this mess without actually thinking, he will still keep his word.

"Yeah, of course. But first of we need to get your wounds checked out. They don't look so good."

"Okie-dokie, and then we go find Namie?" Izaya sprung up like a three year old on sugar rush.

"Yeah, then we go find…umm Namie, right?"

"Mhm!"

Shizuo sighed, looking at the bouncing male and wondering what _exactly_ did he get himself into.

"So Izaya, how does Namie look like?" he asked, since he was supposed to find the girl, might as well know how she looks like.

Izaya looked up with a bright smile and said: "Namie is very beautiful."

Shizuo's eyebrow rose in question, but he did not voice it; "Ummm that's nice, but not very helpful."

"Oh?" Izaya tilted his head as if not understanding what in his sentence was not helpful before he smiled even brighter; "Namie is very, very beautiful!"

Shizuo almost facepalmed at that. Who exactly was this guy and why was he acting like such a child?

"Again, that's very nice Izaya. But I need to know how she looks like. Like what color is her hair and eyes, stuff like that."

"Oooooooh." Izaya tilted his head, blinking in puzzlement before he, yet again, smiled widely and started giving Shizuo the most descriptive and devotional portrayal of a person he ever heard in his life.

All Shizuo could do was stare at the raven in amazement as he described every inch of the person in question all filled up with unhidden adoration. Shizuo felt mildly creeped out by the smaller male and he firmly decided that he absolutely did not want to know how Izaya knew all this.

"Okay, okay, that is enough, I got it. Gees, is she you're girlfriend or something?"

Izaya smiled again, but this time it looked a little sad; "Or something. I could never date Namie."

Shizuo blinked in surprise. Hearing the raven speak about her that way he was certain that she was his girlfriend. But then again, maybe the boy was just to shy to confess.

"Why couldn't you date her? If you really love somebody you shouldn't let anything stop you from confessing your love."

Izaya smiled sadly again and waved his head; "Don't be silly. Master's don't date dogs, it just wouldn't be right!"

"Wha…?"

"Hey Shizuo, where are we going?"

"Oh, to my friends house. He is a doctor and I'll get him to look at your injuries."

"Okay!"

Shizuo looked at the smaller male that bounced now in front now beside him, like he couldn't keep still. What did he mean, masters don't date dogs? The hell did that have to do with anything? Shizuo was confused, very confused. He sighed, rubbing his forehead. He'll just have to wait awhile until he finds the girl and gets some proper answers.

"Hey Shizuo, will you be my friend?" Izaya bounced back to Shizuo, looking at him with puppy-dog eyes.

"What, we just met!"

That shot down Izaya's smile as he looked at him sadly and mumbled a small "okay". Shizuo frowned, not sure what he did, but Izaya stopped bouncing around and fallowed Shizuo's pace quietly. It bothered Shizuo that the brunettes mood was so easily swayed. What bothered him even more was that he eyes started to shine red. The hell was up with that? So he acted upon his instincts and immediately blurted out.

"Yeah, sure. Let's be friends."

Izaya turned all smiles to him and Shizuo smiled back, for the creepy glow was gone; "Really Shizuo, do you mean it?"

"Yeah."

"Yay, I'm friends with Shizuo! I got a friend! I got a friend! Now that we are friends, ca I call you Shizu-chan?"

"What the hell, no!"

"But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Shizu-chan sounds so cute!"

"I said no, back of flea!"

"Flea! That's not nice at all Shizu-chan!"

"Then get out of my personal space!"

"Shizu-chan's a meanie~."

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Shizuo roared out, taking a hold on the street sign he was passing by and pulling it out of the ground.

Izaya's eyes went wide at the sight and his body started quivering for he knew the rage that inhabited Shizuo's eyes. He saw that rage before and got hurt because of it before. Why, why did the rage have to take everything away from him?

"Shi…zu…chan?" he whispered.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Shizuo screamed, launching the sign his way.

It was Izaya's eyes that made Shizuo grab the sign back just a millisecond before it hit its trembling target. Izaya fell to the ground, his eyes still wide from shock as he watched Shizuo replant the sign. Shizuo sighed looking at those big, scared eyes and wondering why Izaya isn't running away like every normal human being would do right now. He started approaching the scared boy and felt a twinge of pain in his heart as the said boy backed away until his back hit the nearby building and his gaze fell down, gluing itself to the floor. He hated his temper. Sure Izaya's a bit annoying, but he meant no harm. He looked so excited…just to have a friend….he certainly was a strange one, and then again Shizuo really wasn't the one to speak. He kneeled in front of the shaking brunet and laid his hand on Izaya's small shoulder watching as Izaya winced to contact.

"I'm sorry about that Izaya, I lose my temper very easily. I wouldn't hurt you."

Izaya's big eyes looked up at him, fear dancing in them as he spoke, barely above the whisper; "Don't matter. Izaya's fault, Izaya misbehaved."

Shizuo blinked at the weirdly formed sentence that he was presented with. What does he mean that it's his fault? It's not…well except from the fact that he annoyed him, but he was always easily annoyed.

Izaya looked down once again, squeezing his eyes shut; "Go on, I won't move."

Shizuo blinked, dumbfounded; "Go on, what?

"Punish me."

"What?! Why would I do that?!"

"I was disobedient, Shizuo said not to call him Shizu-chan and to leave him alone but Izaya didn't listen, Izaya deserves to be punished."

…

"WHAT!"

"Izaya deserve…."

"No, not that, the hell are you thinking, who even taught you to think like that?!"

"Master did."

"Master?"

"Master made me for Namie. Master was very good to Izaya. He fed me and bought me clothes and let me sleep in Namie's room. Izaya was very bad, Izaya disappointed his master, Izaya disappointed Namie…"

Shizuo stared at the younger male as tears started leaking from his eyes. Shizuo had no idea what was going on or what kind of freak show did he just assign himself into. Nothing this guy said made any sense. Wait he said that he had a master and he is wounded…well Shizuo has heard rumors of human trafficking, but he never heard what _exactly_ they did to their victims.

"Izaya where is your family? Wouldn't you rather go to them then to your…._master_?" he spat the last word out as it felt horrible in his mouth. He hopped that this kid knew where his family might be so he can take him there.

But…that didn't work.

It just set the waterworks on higher.

"Mommy and daddy are dead and I'm never going to see them again!" Izaya wailed and once again pinned himself on to the taller blond.

Shizuo flinched at the sudden contact, but quickly regained himself and embraced the sobbing brunet; "Shhh, Izaya. It will be okay, it will be okay…I'm sorry for your loss."

Izaya just hiccupped into his chest, trembling like crazy. Shizuo sighed, picking the younger one up in his arms, since he obviously did not plan on moving on his own any time soon. Izaya curled up in his arms, his big watery eyes on Shizuo at all time. Suddenly an idea came to mind.

"Shizuo?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you a superhero?"

Izaya blinked in surprise when Shizuo started laughing wildly. His laughs erupted through his body and quaked against Izaya so Izaya started giggling too at the tickling feeling.

"The hell Izaya? What makes you say that?"

"Well when Seiji was little he used to watch these cartoons and they had superheroes in them and they could lift heavy object like you do."

"I'm no superhero, Izaya."

"You helped me."

"And I also almost threw a street sign on you, remember?"

"Yeah, _almost_! You didn't hit me when I was annoying or when I cried." Izaya looked up happily.

"Whatever, I'm still no hero."

"Shizuo, can I tell you a secret?"

"If you want."

"Okay, but you got a keep it hush, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Yes Izaya I promise."

Izaya giggled happily and leaned up to Shizuo's ear; "I like you better then Seiji." He whispered and then relaxed back into Shizuo's hands.

"But don't tell anyone, okay."

"Ummm sure, I promised, didn't I."

"Mhm!"

"By the way, who is Seiji?"

"Seiji was Namie's younger brother."

"Was?"

"Yeah, he is dead now."

"Oh…why do you like me better, you seem to love Namie, so what's the deal with her brother?"

"You are nice, Seiji was mean. He did mean things to me. Seiji hated me…he had a full right to do that…I ruined his family." Izaya whispered out the last part and dug his face into Shizuo's bartending uniform so Shizuo decided that it was time to let the smaller one rest.

He smiled when he felt Izaya's breath starting to slow down as he fell asleep, his head safely tucked in Shizuo's chest. Shizuo was rarely ever this close to anyone and he took enjoyment in the younger ones hushed breaths warming up his chest.

When he finally made his way to Shinra's apartment and somehow managed to knock on the door without waking Izaya up he found that the usually bubbly doctor was in quite cheerless mood. It was Celty that opened the door for him, telling him, with her phone, that it's not the best time for visits for Shinra's father Shingen Kishitani was found dead in his office, early that morning. Shizuo, however refused to leave. Shinra was his close friend, one of the rare ones, and he felt a need to be there for him.

"Hi Shinra…my condolences, are you doing okay." He said, even though he knew it was completely stupid and pointless to ask that.

"Hi Shizuo, I'm fine I think. I just…" in that moment Shinra looked up and took in Shizuo with a small raven head in his arms. The reaction was instant; "…where did you get that Shizuo, I mean him, I mean that, I mean….oh the hell, where did you find him!"

Shizuo was completely surprised by Shinra's outburst, but it didn't seam to bother Izaya at all, since he continued peacefully sleeping.

"Ummm, in an alleyway. Why?"

"That's the failed experimental bastard that killed my father!"

"WHAT?!"

Shizuo was very, very confused.

**Author's notes: Poor Shizuo, this whole chpter is one big confusing mess for him, isn't it~**

***- I figured that without Izaya to constantly get on his nerves, Shizuo would be much more peaceful. I mean he doesn't look all-completely-and-utterly-destructively-grumpy in the flashback before he meets Izaya (I mean when he is not pissed off)**

**And no I'm not planning to turn this into a Shizaya or something along those lines. Shizuo is just there to help Izzy come home (get it, Lassie come home, Izzy come home, no, okay).**

**And I'm having trouble with Shinra's reactions so maybe you'll need to wait a bit until I research him properly. I mean it didn't look to me like he and his father were like ultra close, but he is sure to be sad…maybe I'll just wing it.**

**Please review, it is only cure for a fatal disease I have called Attentionstarvingalia! Don't let me die!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Nooppps**

Shizuo stood, completely confused looking from his best friend who was pointing an accusing finger at the small raven to the said raven who was sleeping undisturbed, curled up in Shizuo's arms. He just couldn't wrap his head around that to make it understandable.

"Shinra, are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure they gave me pictures! Shizuo he's dangerous. He needs to be taken back to the lab where he belongs and where they can monitor his actions." Shinra yelled out waving his finger around.

Shizuo looked at sleeping Izaya one more time; "Come on Shinra, are you sure? The guy's practically a puppy; he bounced almost all the way here. There's nothing dangerous about him."

"Shizuo, he is highly unstable. He could kill you at any given moment." Shinra yelled persistently.

"He acts like a three year old."

"I know, I spent all night reading about that thing that killed my father. Look, just listen too me. My dad made him for Mr. Yagiri of Yagiri pharmaceuticals. Mr. Yagiri placed and order for, shall we say a live doll for his niece. They kidnapped the kid, but make it look like he was carried of by waves and his "body" was naturally never found. In the meantime, they used and extract of Saika…"

"Saika?" Shizuo tilted his head confused.

"Saika is an ancient sword that loves humans*. The extract made the boy dependent on feeling of love. Then they trained him to be a perfect little pet and Mr. Yagiri gifted him away to his niece. But six months ago, something…went wrong, and Saika started to act on its own, using him to kill and hurt people. My father was just at the end of extracting the last bit of Saika out of him when he got killed. Now they called me in to continue his job."

Shizuo blinked rapidly, his eyes traveling from the sleeping raven to the underground doctor; "Shinra…I have no idea what you mean by that."˝

Shinra sighed, his hand traveling up to his forehead, pressing away the upcoming headache; "Come on Shizuo, I explained it in the simplest way possible. I didn't even use any medical references or named any experiments my father and the other doctors made."

"I know, I get it…I just can't believe it. He is just so…."

"Innocent? The drugs they gave him stopped him for growing emotionally and on parts mentally. He loves like a five year old child he was when this all started." Shinra reasoned approaching Shizuo and putting his hand on Izaya's face. Izaya reacted immediately, leaning his head closer to the source of the warmth. Shinra smiled slightly; "I have to say, considering everything, he is quite a marvelous experiment. I wish I knew about him sooner. When I wasn't emotionally evolved into this."

Shizuo looked at his friend. He knew Shinra from way back and he was always kind of weird. But could he really be interested in doing to hurting a person the way Izaya was hurt. Shizuo didn't know everything, but he saw the way Izaya acted. He was so bubbly when they met, like he thought that some random stranger couldn't harm him, like it wasn't important if he harms Izaya. Izaya acted clingy and way to hyper for his age, and then when Shizuo almost hit him…Izaya was submissive, meek. He accepted the fact that he was to be punished even though he did nothing to deserve it, well except from being annoying. Izaya was loyal, he saw that in the way he wanted to find that girl named Namie so bad, but he just dismissed it as a childish crush. According to what Shinra said Izaya may as well really think he loves that girl, Shizuo would bet anything that Namie was the niece for who Izaya was designed for too. Shizuo felt mad. How could anybody do that to a child, Izaya was only five when that happened, who knows how he felt when he was ripped away from his family and friends. Shizuo's grasp on Izaya hardened as he felt a need to protect the younger boy. He also wanted to know what happened to him in detail.

"You said you read about him?" he asked, hugging the smaller one closer to his obvious pleasure.

"Uh? Yes, I got his files in my room." Shinra said looking at Shizuo again.

"Do you mind if I take a look while you are fixing him up?"

Shinra sighed, eyeing the raven and Shizuo knew that he won't miss a chance to work at least a bit on the peculiar raven; "Okay, the fills are on my bed, leave him on the table."

Shizuo nodded and did as told then venturing to Shinra's bedroom; "Oh and Shinra."

"What?"

"No dissecting."

"I wasn't gona!"

"Yeah right." Shizuo chuckled and closed the doors behind him, sitting on Shinra's bed and taking the fills.

Shinra was right. He did make it sound simple. Fills were full of medical phrases and Shizuo had to really turn on his attention to actually figure out what was it about. After an hour of examining the fills and various photographs that did indeed future the small raven, Shizuo sighed and walked away from it. He couldn't believe what he now knew. How can someone do something like that to a child? How can someone be so cruel?

"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan, look at me! I'm all better now, see!"

He was met with a bouncing brunet who jumped up on him, hooking his arms around Shizuo's neck to hang on the taller male, giggling all the way.

"Yeah, you look better." He said, ruffling the raven's hair.

"Are we going to find Namie now? You promised remember?" Izaya laughed.

Shizuo sighed and seated Izaya back down on the nearby couch. Izaya looked up at him, instinctively knowing that something is wrong. Izaya tilted his head as Shizuo knelt down on his eyelevel, obviously wanting to tell him something.

"Is something wrong Shizu-chan?"

"Izaya do you really want to go back to…Namie."

"Of course I do, I love Namie!" Izaya chirped, a bit confused by Shizuo's question.

"But Izaya you are surely aware of what she and her family did to you."

"Yeah…"

"Well then why do you want to go back?"

Izaya smiled sadly; "I have to Shizu-chan. I have to because I love Namie and I can't stand being away from her. I know that I had a family and I know that Mr. Yagiri took me away from them, but I have a new family now. I have Namie, Namie does love me, I know she does."

Shizuo sighed taking Izaya's hands into his, rubbing small wrists with his fingers; "Izaya are you sure."

"Mhm! I love Namie, Shizu-chan. And even if she never loves me the way I love her I will always be by her side."

"Izaya, I don't know about this, what if…"

"Shizuo, can you come over here for a second?" Shinra voiced out and Shizuo sighed, ruffling Izaya's hair once more and following Shinra to his room.

As soon as they were out of raven's earshot, Shinra started talking; "I think you should let him go."

Shizuo was surprised, to say at least; "Shinra, I can't do that, they used him don't you get it! That idiot has no way of defending himself. You said that mentally he is still just a child."

"Shizuo, you are the one who doesn't understand. Izaya is dependent of his _master_. If he is unable to interact and receive attention from Namie Yagiri he will fall into a depression and eventually die from starving himself or something along those lines. He is completely unable to function right with a thought that he will never see her again. He needs her Shizuo."

"They'll just experiment on him again."

"No they won't. If they were they wouldn't hire me to cure him in the first place. I have his brain scans here and I'm sure that I can help him. I've noticed where my father went wrong. I'll cure him so he can never kill anyone again."

"Are you sure you can do that?"

"Of course I can. Of course it will take time for his brain to adapt from Saika missing and the fact that he has no need in being clingy anymore, but from what I can see he's been trained to be adaptable so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. He needs to go home Shizuo and believe it or not that is his home."

Shinra finished and watched his friend closely for a reaction. He knew that Shizuo could get over protective over weaker people who've been treated cruelly but he also understood the need of getting Izaya back home. That was actually only thing that Shinra could do to get over his fathers death. He needed to destroy the monster that killed him. Izaya wasn't the monster but Saika was.

"It's the right thing to do Shizuo."

"Yeah, I know. Heh, I sound like a kid who just got talked into giving away some dog he found on the street."

"I'll call Namie Yagiri to come and pick him up and you go tell him." Shinra said trailing to the phone as Shizuo left the room.

Shizuo was quite surprised when he saw Izaya happily chatting with Celty as if the fact that she did not have a head did not affect him at all. Of course what Shizuo didn't know was that Izaya spent twelve years of his life around the same head that Celty was missing and in search off. Izaya saw strange things and he did not mind Celty at all.

"Good news Izaya. Shinra is calling Namie to come over and pick you up."

"Yey I get to see Namie again! Thank you Shizu-chan, thank you, thank you, thank you!" the raven cheered before his face turned worried; "But what if she doesn't want me back Shizu-chan! What if she is angry at me and hates me and leaves me all alone!"

Shizuo sighed, patting ravens head. Shinra was right, Izaya did need Namie. He was here, practically having a panic attack from mere thought of Namie leaving him.

"I'm sure she's wants you back Izaya."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, who wouldn't want a puppifide human by their side?" Shizuo snide but Izaya missed the sarcasm by a mile.

"Thank you Shizu-chan~."

Shizuo just patted the younger one on his head again and sat down, tuning in Celty's and Izaya's conversation about Sushi. It wasn't long after and the door bell went off, having Izaya bouncing up and down in sheer excitement, chanting the girl's name as Shinra unlocked the door and Shizuo saw Namie Yagiri, the girl who owned an incredibly loyal human, for the first time in his life.

"Namie!" Izaya piped out, almost knocking the couch over as he bounced over it to reach her, hugging her like he haven't seen her in decades, which was true if you counted on Izaya time.

"Oh Izaya, I was so worried! Are you okay? Now why would you run away from me?" the girl hugged him back tightly and Izaya dug his head in her hair, practically drowning himself in her sweet scent.

"I'm sorry Namie, I tried to find you and then I got lost but Shizu-chan found me and sawed me. Shizu-chan is a super hero Namie!"

Namie laughed, looking at Shizuo from where she stood with a raven all wrapped around her; "A super hero huh?"

"Yup!"

"Well I'm glad I got you back. I need you to promise me that next time I leave you someplace you will not try to escape, alright Izaya."

"But I missed you, I missed you a lot." Izaya wailed but Namie gave him a strict look which stopped Izaya complaints in their roots..

"Okay Namie. I promise. Never, ever again."

"That's right Izaya, I need to know where you are so I know you're not in danger. I know you'll be good."

"Yes I will Namie! Yes I will!"

"Who's my good boy?"

"I am, I am! Izaya is!"

"Yes you are. Now go on, wait for me outside for a second, I need to speak to your friends a bit."

"Okay! Bye Shizu-chan, bye Shinra, bye Celty!" Izaya cheered as he skipped out of the apartment.

Namie looked after him for a second, before closing the door to make sure he can't hear them and turned to the three occupants of the apartment, her face strict and void of emotions, complete opposite from the calm, loving face she showed around Izaya.

"I believe that I don't have to tell you that none of this is to be repeated in the public and that if you do that I'll send my uncle's men after you."

Shizuo twitched at the treating tone and was surprised by Shinra's calm answer.

"Why, of course Miss. Yagiri, none of this shall leave this room."

"Good. I believe that you mentioned that you found a way to extract the rest of the Saika out of him."

"I have. I'll start tomorrow, it shouldn't take me long, it's just a small fluke."

"Very good. Good bye then."

And with that Namie Yagiri walked away, leaving everyone just a bit uneasy. Izaya was patiently waiting for her at the entrance and skipped after her as she walked home.

"Hey Namie, can I visit Shizu-chan sometimes?" the boy cheered as he skipped next to her.

"No." Namie just like her uncle decided to cut that fantasy in its roots.

"But why? He is my friend." Izaya wailed, not understanding why he was not allowed to visit his friend.

"He is not your friend Izaya."

"But…"

"Izaya, did you perhaps not hear me." She turned around and Izaya winced under her cold gaze. Why was Namie mad at him?

"If I say no, that means no, do you understand that Izaya!"

"Yes, Namie." Izaya whispered in defeat, his gaze dropping down.

Namie sighed and tipped his head up, meeting his eyes; "Look Izaya, I'm doing this to protect you okay. This is for your own good, you have to trust me."

Izaya nodded and hugged her, burying his head in her shoulder, mumbling softly; "I trust you Namie."

**Author's notes: Blargh I just disappointed myself with this chapter, I could have done soooooo much more! I suck~**

**Oh well you and I are going to have to live with it.**

**Thank you RetroSlashTrack for your info on Shizuo's big brother complex (lolololol)**

**Please review~**

***Don't you just love how a sentence like that is said so casually in Drrr universe~**


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's notes: Well hello there, haven't seen this story update in a while. That because I lost all interest in it. It went the wrong way and some scenes that were supposed to last chapters only lasted two or so, shortening the story…and then I lost inspiration for it…and I even had a plan about how everything is going to turn out…but I forgot it…always write down your scripts kids, trust me you won't regret it. Well since I'm totally bored with this story and I have enough on my plate, this will be the end, sorry for disappointing, you were great audience and thank you every and each one of you who reviewed, followed or favorited (or my favorite combination of all three). Anywise sorry for the sucky ending, I don't own anything and goodbye~**

Izaya yawned softly into his legs. He was curled up in the bath tub, tired as ever with Namie washing his hair. Shinra came that day and took the last bits of Saika away and Izaya did not feel good. He felt exhausted, completely drained, he could barely hold his eyes open, but he didn't want to fall asleep and cause Namie more trouble. Namie softly hummed as she covered his hair with shampoo, trying to return the old shine too his withered hair.

"Izaya, honey, are you feeling alright? You've been awfully quiet." She asked wordily. It was unusual for Izaya to be this quiet; he was a bubbly, hyper ad happy boy, always open for a conversation.

"I'm okay. I'm just tired a bit." He yawned once again, burying his head in his wet arms, longing for a moment when he will be allowed to go to sleep.

"Don't worry, I'm almost done and then you can go to sleep." She whispered, kissing his forehead.

Izaya smiled, looking up sleepily with half-lidded eyes as Namie caressed his face lovingly. She turned up the water, making sure to wash away all the soap from the sleepy boy. Izaya dipped his head down and closed his eyes so he wouldn't get any soap in them. He enjoyed all the attention and love he was given. He felt so safe here with Namie, under her watchful eye in her loving arms. She took a big, fluffy, blue towel and wrapped him up, helping him to get out of the tub. He sat on the edge of the tub and Namie smiled at him as she dried his hair. She never cared about him like this. When they were younger she would help Seiji bath and often leave Izaya out of it, except if he needed to get her some things that she forgot. She never cared about him like this and he utterly enjoyed it.

"Your hair looks ridicules." She laughed at his spiked up hair and he returned the laugh even though he was too exhausted to laugh properly.

She helped him dress himself and get to her room.

"Namie?" he tilted his head confused.

"You are sleeping with me tonight. I have to keep an eye out for any reactions." She said sternly, laying him down on her bed.

"Oh, okay." He yawned, to tired to fight.

Besides he didn't want to fight. He never slept in the same bed as Namie before and he was very happy that he was allowed to that now. He must have been very good if he deserved such a treat. Izaya yawned softly as Namie sat next to him and picked up his head, nesting it into her lap. He smiled tiredly as her long fingers caressed his hair. They felt like silk on his cheeks as Namie petted him to sleep.

"You are such a good boy Izaya. You're my good boy." Her voice rung like a lullaby to his ears as her fingers trailed the line of his lips.

Izaya surrendered to sleep and Namie smiled, watching her little pet so cutely curled up in her lap. Izaya's lips were parted just a bit and his chest gently fell up and down. His porcelain skin was contrasted beautifully by his raven hair. He was truly the most beautiful of all the dolls her uncle ever brought her. She brought her little pet higher in her lap, making the sleeping boy sit in her lap, while his head rested on her shoulder. She hugged him, smelling the sweat smell of shampoo in his skin and hair. After being groomed and cleaned, his hair has retrieved its previous shine and silky softness, his skin once again being spotlessly clean and untouched.

She loved him.

She loved her little doll.

Her beautiful little doll.

She fell asleep caressing him, showing him how much she cared about him.

-Next morning-

Namie woke up to the smell of breakfast coming from downstairs. Izaya was gone, silent as a whisper, to attend to his chores. Izaya's inner clock must have warned him that Namie was awake, because in the second he was up the stairs with the platter of food and a cup of tea in his arms.

"Good morning Namie~" Izaya's always cheerful voice echoed through the room as he bounced his way to her bed, miraculously not spilling anything; "I brought you breakfast~"

"Thank you Izaya." She smiled at the happy boy and took the platter from him.

While she ate, she watched Izaya who was sitting on the edge of her bed. He seemed as happy and optimistic as ever. Since Saika was removed from his brain she expected some huge changes in his personality. But then again, that would make no sense. Saika or no Saika, Izaya is still that what he was raised to be, her loyal lap dog. The only difference is…there is no more Saika to force him to love her…

She felt an each in her heart at that thought, at the thought that Izaya won't love her any more then any other servant. She got used to his unconditional love, his undying faithfulness. But now…now that Saika is not there anymore, what reason does he have to love her, to…to stay with her. Her family destroyed his life; he never got to grow up like a normal child, what reason did he have to stay by her side?

None.

Absolutely none.

And that broke her heart.

"Namie, why are you sad?"

She was shaken out of her daze by his worried whisper and she glanced at him, her eyes meeting those ever worried rubies of his. She smiled at him, assuring the younger one that it's nothing important, that she is alright. He smiled happily, relieved that she is okay. How long will that last? How long until that smile disappears and he starts questioning his loyalty to her? How long until he finally leaves her?

Months?

Weeks?

Days?

Her hand shook from sadness, for she knew that she won't be able to watch him grow to hate her, to watch him leave her. How could something like this happen? How could she fall in love with the boy who served her for the biggest parts of their lives? She always believed that this was the kind of thing that only happened in movies or romance novels that she so proudly made fun of. She never, ever imagined that something like this could happen in real life, to her nonetheless.

She didn't realize that she was crying until she felt Izaya's finger whip the tear away as gently as possible. He scooted over to her, his maroon eyes full of concern, and leaned in, his face only millimeters away from hers. She felt a sweet smell of boiled rice still lingering around him and her heart almost stopped at the closeness they shared.

"Namie, why are you crying?" he asked concerned, looking at her with those puppy like eyes that ever so innocently called her in.

She smiled at him again and he smiled back, unsure of why is she crying and smiling at the same time. Her hand found it's away into his soft hair, like a million times before, but this time it did not stop there. It pulled the boy down and their lips met. She saw his surprised look melt away in pure bliss as he closed his eyes and she let herself be taken away too. She enjoyed the taste of his lips that ever so slightly moved against her, in his own shy way. She smiled into the kiss, thinking of how innocent he was, how sweet and childlike. She was entranced by his taste and smell, all of her senses telling her that this is right, that this is how it's supposed to be.

Just him and her.

No more rules or cruelty.

Just their love.

Their endless love.

Love purer from anything in this world.

They separated, softly gasping for breath, still entranced by each other as she settled in his lap, her head on his chest. He was smiling in her hair, looking into her eyes as they both floated in bliss.

"I love you Namie."

"I love you Izaya."


End file.
